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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am I getting over it Too quickly?
heartbroken2012
♀ Member
Member # 38089
Question  Posted: 10:17 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So Im 5 months out since I was told...and i dont think about it as often as I did. I do get depressed occasionally, and i do think about the A in the car and shower...but not all the time anymore. I do think about it during sex, and other times, but I am not in an anger stage....and I dont cry....or VERY rarely...

So Im beginning to fear that maybe I am getting over the A too quickly? Maybe i am rugsweeping?

I dont bring the A up...he doesnt. We HAVE talked about it...and my WH is doing everything that I need him too.

Shouldnt I be angry or hurt more?

NOW i DO get upset when I see the OW.


BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
idiot85
♂ Member
Member # 38934
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tend to get over- OK maybe not "get over" but I do keep moving forward quickly. I don't rugsweep- as soon as something pops into my head I talk and get any answers I need whether it's from my wife, friends or SI.

I just look at it like this- I've chosen to stay, I don;t want to leave my wife so when I'm OK I'm OK and when I'm not OK- that's OK. My wife is seriously coming on leaps and bounds and that makes me feel so much better.

I don't think I've helped here really but I have the exact same worry and the above is how I justify it.


BH-29 (me)
WW-28

Multi famam, conscientiam, pauci verentur.


Posts: 575 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Old Blighty
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought that at one point, too, heartbroken2012.

My FWH was amazed at me and my "progress" in healing. He was pretty happy, too. 5 months and things were pretty much back to "normal". Little did he know what was in store!

Right around 5 months the shock and denial started wearing off and it was really sinking in, the depth and width of the betrayal and the long lasting consequences.

Just around 5 months I started getting angry. Just around 6 months I was past angry and I was in a rage. It was a rage like I have never had ever before.

It was scary to behold! So, buckle up and hold on, you may be in for a bumpy ride.

P.S. I didn't find SI until 8 months after d-day, so FWH was in for another shock!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9491 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Beemer
♀ Member
Member # 38499
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sister...

I was about 6 months post-DDay and I couldn't believe how much better I was doing - I was WAY ahead of the 2-5 year timeline they talk about... I must be exceptional or something!

Then the roller-coaster dipped and the shit hit the fan...


BW - Me (33)
FWH - Him (34)
Married - 8years
D-Day - 06/06/12
Status - Trying...things are good :)

Posts: 77 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only just past month 3 and worry the same thing. The A still angers me a bit but not at all like it did. Just feeling kind of blah.

This should be effecting me more! My concern is that I am detaching. But I don't know. We are still talking about it, but last night I was not in a great place but at the same time I just wanted a night to watch stupid TV and not stay up late talking about it.

I do start IC soon and will certainly ask why I don't feel more right now.

Sorry no help other than to say you are not alone.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Knowing
♀ Member
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, there was a calm before the storm while the shock was wearing off, somewhere between 5 and 6 months. I am in the anger stage now at 7 months that the shock has worn off.

I had no idea I was in shock. Every morning last week I felt like punching my fWH in the head immediately upon waking. Talk about anger!

Get your butt in IC if it isn't already, if you're anything like most of us you'll need all the support you can get.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 697 | Registered: Oct 2012
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the others said I was the same way at 5 months. I kept looking at the healing timelines saying to myself I will be healed WAY before 2 years. 6 months was the worst month!!! HB ended, my anger and rage picked up. I was so mad that she could throw away everything, give her body to someone else, tell him she loved him. I still get angry but my WW and I have learned ALOT about communication and boundaries. So yep buckle up. I hope you are better than me but I just remember at 5 I was feeling the same way then 6 months hit.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ITA with Sister.

I was so ready to get over it, I think I pushed too fast too soon. It was about 7 months when I kinda came up for air & realized that it was real. I finally knew my FWSO had done what he did - he really had.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 991 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
bizzygirl
♀ New Member
Member # 39045
Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have the same concern as you. I am almost 9mos out from D-Day and have been moving along very quickly.I sometimes wonder if I or my FWH are rugsweeping or avoidig. My FWH does everything I need him to do and answers every question I have so it has been much easier to cope with.
In general I am a very resilient person and have pretty good stress management so that has helped alot. We attended MC for about 7 mos weekly and then once a month for the past 2. We talk to each other about the progress of the R and that seems to be enough for me.
I think that everyone has their own timeline of when they begin to feel normal or at least functional.
If you do not feel as if you are in shock or that your a missing things, I think that you are just fine. I would just keep an eye out for the common warning signs that there is trouble ahead and make sure you deal with those issues head on.


BW (ME):43
WH:44
DDAY:08/13/2012-MCOW(6MONTH EA & 3MONTH PA)
MARRIED 16 YRS- TOGETHER 23 YRS
2 DS
R'ING

Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Indianapolis IN
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you do not feel as if you are in shock
Funny thing about shock. Most don't realize they are in shock, thats part of the condition.

I have read of people here never reaching the anger/rage stage. I feel it is more uncommon, but it is possible.

I have been reading here for almost 3 years now. Many say the 2nd year is harder than the first. That was true for me, but in a different way than year 1. I agree with everyone heals differently and on their own timeline. However, in general, there does seem to be a pattern for most on the healing journey from infidelity.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 11:51 AM, April 24th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9491 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Topic Posts: 10

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