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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Stories don't add up. What do you think.?
eyesrnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, April 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1st DD:Husband’s text messages are inaporpriate Looking at the bills, they text almost every day for the past 8 months. There are also calls and texts when we are on vacation and on NYE right after midnight. He claims that he liked the attention and it was the flattery of being paid attention to. He admits to going to work events and happy hours and golf outings with this person. He states they were all business and with many other people from work. He admits he liked hanging out with her because she was fun and she paid him a lot of attention. He says no PA.
2ndDD: I download his iPhone SIM card and as him to come clean. More story-- He took this person to a conference in another city. He told me that nothing happened and they stayed in different rooms. He took her there because she was fun and he enjoyed her company.

Story #3: Later that night, he adds to the story that another women also went. I’m confused, why didn’t you tell me about her before now? He says, I thought you would be upset with me bringing two women to the conference. I’m still confused, and say “no, I feel better that there was another person and not just you and her. So I see this as a good sign that she brought someone else along.

Story # 4: He tells me more: The next morning, he says he wants to be completely honest and he confesses that he also pursued the other women who went to the conference. He stated that she is younger, 30 and married. I remember her from the Xmas party. She is very young and attractive (later I find out she is 27 and not married). He told me he started out just talking to her. He enjoyed the attention of a young pretty woman. (She’s a girl and you’re her boss dumb ass! What is wrong with you?? He is the head of the company and she works for him. I find out later, he promoted her twice within six months.) I can’t believe what I am hearing. He proceeds to tell me that he was only talking to her and took her out to events and golf outing and happy hours. There was only one night he was alone with hr He knew she would be coming by our house, so he invited her over when I was out of town. He said, it was awkward and nothing happened and she and he both felt uncomfortable and she stayed for one drink and left. Total 20 min. He says she is a good girl and would not do that. He also thought it was wrong. That did it! GOOD GIRL! I’m sorry, but good girls do not go to their bosses houses when their wives are not home. He denies sleeping with her either at our house or at the conference. He states all other times they were together with other people from work. He says that he liked being seen with her and enjoyed her company but nothing happened. He did not have a PA or did he ever speak about sex or do anything inappropriate. (What?? Asking her to our house is not inappropriate??) He says she and he do not talk anymore and she works at another division of the company now. ( I later suspect she dumped him). I ask why he now gets text messages from the other one. He says, she just started doing this to him. (she was the other ones boss now he is with her? So confused). Wouldn't you gradualy try to do it at our house. [A bold move to make this the first place.

Story #5: I look at the text messages, there is really nothing there. I don’t tell him this and pretend I saw bad text messages. I ask is there anything else you want to tell me? He comes clean about women #3. He met #3 at a bar on. He ran into her a year after meeting her and invited her to meet him at a conference that was in a nearby town. He states this woman drove several hours to meet him; they had dinner and drinks, went back to his hotel room and were making out. They were down to their underwear and she gets an epiphany and states, “I want to go home, you have responsibilities and I don’t want to have sex with you”. LOL I can’t believe she drove two hours and then has dinner and drinks and in the throws of passion stops.

[This message edited by eyesrnowopen at 12:01 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, I'm not feeling his story, either. Maybe he could try again? Perhaps if he keeps revising & editing the truth, maybe he can hit on a script that he can sell with a straight face and is believable.

I'm so sorry. (((HUGS)))


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9234 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Total complete BS (bullshit)
Sorry


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7992 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Betrayed67
♀ Member
Member # 38134
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, but I don't believe him. Judge Judy says, if the story doesn't make sense, it's baloney and a big LIE.

Sorry, but my WH did a lot of lying, and cornered him many times with contradictions in the confessions (supposedly truth).

You deserve the truth. Tell him that.


Me-BW 46 yo;Him - WH 53 yo
Married 13years
One daughter together 9yo, 2 stepchildren(His from previous marriage)
Various DDdays (see my profile)
ONS and multiple "friendships" with women in various online dating sites

Posts: 131 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New Zealand
stupidgirlme
♀ New Member
Member # 38778
Shocked  Posted: 4:41 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nope, I don't believe any of the stories either. What really bothers me, though, is that he's her boss. Screams sexual harrassment lawsuit to me!

So sorry for you!


~~I love listening to lies when I know the truth~~

Posts: 47 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Florida
eyesrnowopen
♀ Member
Member # 39055
Default  Posted: 5:47 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know his stories don't add up. God why can't I just move on? Thank you all.


This is the work within, having control over the outcome of our lives. Robert Bly refers to this as “Warrior work.” A warrior fights for a cause, something he believes in. As opposed to a soldier who merely fights for control – power or profit.

Posts: 83 | Registered: Apr 2013
ninebark
♀ Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the beginning WS' always always change their stories so they don't sound as bad. It is like asking a little kid if they did something wrong, they will always tell you a story that doesn't sound so bad so they don't get grounded.

It is unlikely that he took these women on trips with him or to meet him in his hotel room and nothing happened.

He figures he gets off easier if he gives you the PG version "see honey, we just met for drinks, she changed her mind."

My response is how is this better, the first one is a good girl and the second didn't want to do it. Isn't is supposed to be him who is the good guy and not want to do it? Either way his story smells bad.

[This message edited by ninebark at 6:16 AM, April 25th (Thursday)]


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
CrappyLife
♂ Member
Member # 37630
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well. He is lying and minimising things for sure. None of his stories make sense except in his own big fat head I suppose. I also got a lot of shit stories from WW after D-Day.

"I do not know how it happened, but we were naked within 10 minutes." Well, it turns out they had been talking for a few weeks about this meeting and passions were running high. You dont get naked with someone for the first time in 10 minutes without anything prior to that and then proceed to give the POS1 a BJ. .

"Both of us were just naked. We did not have sex." What a load of crap! She was naked twice and also drunk and yea had sex. Look for signs of lying. She told me this line even before I asked whether she had sex with POS1. I knew at that moment that she did.

If I was the boss (does not matter whether I am married or not) I would not have promoted a good-looking girl twice in 6 months unless she was sleeping with me.

A new WS thinks the BS does not have a brain and will buy the stories they dole out and they can continue lying. The lying is so hard-wired that they just cannot speak the truth. If you are the kinds who 'needs' to know, keep asking again and again till it makes sense to you. Question him, go through the words again, think about it, ask more questions. You have a right to know. If he is remorseful, he will come clean. It might take some weeks to drill sense into his head.


BBF-turned-BH: 28 (Me)
WGF-turned-WW: 28 (EmotionalFool)
POS1: a 'friend'? WW believed it was my 'best friend'!
POS2: her senior at work!
Together - 6 years
Married - 1.5 years
D-Day- 15/10/12

Don't know where we are headed..


Posts: 276 | Registered: Nov 2012
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eyes,

I agree with the others - there looks like there is more to the story. My wife started at she was attracted to this one guy and they kissed. I won't go through all the stories in between, but the real truth was she had been dating her AP for 17 months and having regularly scheduled booty calls every two weeks with him. He'd call, she be his "beck and call girl". Sorry, the odds of any of those stories being true are slim. Not saying there isn't a chance, but it would be rare.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3729 | Registered: Dec 2011
easiersaid
Member
Member # 38398
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eyes...sounds like you are getting TT...trickle truth. Little bits of information over time, some true, some not. As people more experienced here will tell you, these lies really destroy a marriage, moreso than the PA or EA.

You can't decide your next steps until you know completely what you are dealing with. Have you read in the Healing Library about a timeline? Might want to ask your WH for one, and expect it might be revised given what he has said so far.

Sorry you are here, but you won't find a nicer group of people. This has been mental-health saving for me over the last 3 months.


Me: BS, 40 yrs
Him: WS, 41 yrs (4 PA over 14 yrs, 2 ONS, 2 current PA of 3 months and 2 yrs)
Two small children
Married 17 years
D-day: 1/26/13

Posts: 108 | Registered: Feb 2013
Topic Posts: 10

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