Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: StillHurtingHer (45319)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 3 months out from D-Day... and it's over
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, no kids. We were in the process of trying to conceive, all the while she was deep in the A. We had just decided to start looking for houses together during the A too.

I just truly cannot begin to understand what was running through her head. Maybe I never will.

It's been a tough morning. Lots of tears. I've gained an even deeper appreciation of Jeff Buckley lately. That guy knew how to reach right into his soul and pull out the pain in the most beautiful ways.

Here's a cover I did of one of his songs shortly after buying myself my new acoustic guitar for Valentine's Day. Not sure if I ever posted this:

http://youtu.be/IE3xFM8Kqz0


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
girlsbird
♀ Member
Member # 30877
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I had my choice I would be on the next plane. I lived on Oahu for 20 years and it was the happiest time of my life! Although Boston is an awesome city with the culture, history and arts Revere Beach just doesn't cut it. Nothing like the pounding of the waves at Waimea on a big surf day!!!

Maybe you can host a Hawaii G2G!!

PS I am originally from Boston so I can relate to the "friendly" thing.

Edited for the PS

[This message edited by girlsbird at 4:49 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


D-Day 10/28/10..almost admission 7/10 Reconciled. I was the betrayed

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: arizona
de.va.sta.ted
♀ Member
Member # 22922
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's amazing how ones life can change course.

It must feel overwhelming and disappointing right now, compounded by what you went through in Boston, but it could be a wonderful, unexpected turn for the better.


Me: BW mid 40's Him: WH mid 50's
D-Day: 2009
There is a crack in everything,
That's how the light gets in...

Posts: 852 | Registered: Feb 2009
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We were in the process of trying to conceive

Be careful, she may try to R just because she won't have much time to start a relationship and try to have kids again.

[This message edited by nuance at 10:56 PM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1215 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
Safeguard
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Revere Beach just doesn't cut it" LOL! Right?! Even Hampton is better.


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Lyonesse
♀ Member
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great video - thanks for sharing. You have a good voice and I wish I could play guitar like that! I think it would have been very therapeutic post d-day.

Sorry you are having a tough day.


Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1797 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
NGFinishLast
♂ New Member
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm also 3 months out from D-Day. I wish Hawaii was an option. Go...and never look back. Oddly enough, the OM suggested the same movie, Secretary, to WW in an email. I stopped by two days ago to drop off my daughter and saw it sitting on the DVD shelf. Yeah, I'd hop a flight to Hawaii right now.


D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
gonnabe2016
♀ Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Guitar AND piano.
*sigh*


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8073 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wouldn't it be nice if you could go back to Hawaii before she gets back? Since, she has cut off contact all weekend-you wouldn't be there to pick up where she left off. Good luck. I hope you do go and find a new, better life.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 10yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 946 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: PA
Dawn58
♀ Member
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Cuckolde!!

Sounds like the universe has opened up a beautiful door for you!!! So sorry you are going through this, it sucks....I am 5 months out and it still hurts. One of the thoughts I have, is getting away from here. Away from the memories, the triggers. Start my life new!!!! Hawaii would be the perfect place for you, paradise!!!!!

I am glad you reached the point of taking care of yourself and stopping the insanity. My WH showed no remorse and chose to be with the OW. He told people that I left him (he kicked me out) and got so much sympathy. The people that work with him baked him cookies and sent food home with him. Really??? I filed for divorce first (he said that he was going to take care of the divorce) and now he is telling everyone that I filed for divorce. Poor baby, he has made himself look like the innocent victim! Has not mentioned the affair, the 4 months of lying and cheating. He is now introducing the skank as his soul mate. Great guy!!


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 479 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am glad you reached the point of taking care of yourself and stopping the insanity. My WH showed no remorse and chose to be with the OW. He told people that I left him (he kicked me out) and got so much sympathy. The people that work with him baked him cookies and sent food home with him. Really??? I filed for divorce first (he said that he was going to take care of the divorce) and now he is telling everyone that I filed for divorce. Poor baby, he has made himself look like the innocent victim! Has not mentioned the affair, the 4 months of lying and cheating. He is now introducing the skank as his soul mate. Great guy!!

UGH. I am awaiting with great trepidation the next communication I get from her parents. They clearly knew nothing about what was going on as of Friday. In fact, I got a text from my father in law on Friday night asking if she was planning on coming down to VA. She had not told me that was her plan. I chose my words carefully, and without giving them any details, made it clear that I hadn't spoken with her in several days, and that when she arrived, she would not be in a good headspace. But I told him that I loved both he and Mom-in-law dearly, and told them that I'm always here to talk.


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

C, it sounds as though the fates have smiled on you through your agony.

You have the opportunity to begin a wonderful new life with the support of beloved family members, in a paradise I would love to visit let along begin a new life in!

I'm so sorry that your WW chooses to disrespect your gift of reconciliation. That's horrid.

However, the doors are open to a new life, and if you choose the path that is blatantly encouraging you to venture upon it, I wish you a wonderful new future.

If it is your song 'Pretending to Care', congratulations on it. A worthy composition.


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is your song 'Pretending to Care', congratulations on it. A worthy composition.

Thanks, Diva - I wish I could take credit for that one, but it was written by the great Todd Rundgren.


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wouldn't it be nice if you could go back to Hawaii before she gets back? Since, she has cut off contact all weekend-you wouldn't be there to pick up where she left off. Good luck. I hope you do go and find a new, better life.

Oh, that would be glorious indeed. Alas, I have way too much to plan/take care of first. This will take a few months.


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I could take credit for that one, but it was written by the great Todd Rundgren.

Nicely presented none the less. I am not familar with it as my genre is firmly rooted in classical opera.

You have much to tentatively consider regarding your future, but in consideration of the fact that she has not returned to your home, would it be possible for you to request that she stay elsewhere for the short term while you gather your wits and strategies?


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
CuckoldedinMa
♂ Member
Member # 38283
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have much to tentatively consider regarding your future, but in consideration of the fact that she has not returned to your home, would it be possible for you to request that she stay elsewhere for the short term while you gather your wits and strategies?

Anything's possible, but I have a rather high degree of certainty that she would refuse that arrangement. She has no where to go, really. Most of our friends in the area are mine.


D-Day, 1/27/13
D-Day #2 4/21/13
D-Day #3 7/22/13
Me: BS (41)
Her :WS (43)
Married 13 years, together 21.
STATUS: Separated, divorcing

Posts: 162 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Boston, MA area
hatefulnow
♂ Member
Member # 35603
Cool  Posted: 7:03 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No suggestions. Just wishing you peace!

Posts: 128 | Registered: May 2012
traveldad
♂ Member
Member # 34047
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It always makes me chuckle to see how they do little things to make their friends and family think it's your doing. My wife called my attorney's office and made an appointment for me get the divorce ball rolling. Then afterwards she accused me of being the one who filed for the divorce.


DDay January 2010
Divorced July 2010...broke up 2 families
Contented single dad of 2 grown sons and two daughters.
XW talks to kids about once a year

Posts: 54 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Southwest
haleyscomet
♀ Member
Member # 38250
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can relate. I left my ex-bf and went back after the initial discovery to attempt reconciliation. the terms were that he would never speak to her again - specifically that he would not respond if she contacted him either by phone or text.

within 3 weeks i found texts to her on his phone. he had erased what she text him but forgot to erase his response.

i left him again and i've been gone 7 weeks today.
(entire timeline from d-day to now in thread LIES LIES, LIES)

now i'm the one doing NC - with him.

and its so true what so many are saying in this thread that its such a relief not wondering / worrying about what he's doing or to be waiting for some sign of hope

-- its over
and he never got me to say it -

fuck that - he's the one that should have told me it was over before he turned to the OW

get away as soon as you can and establish NC with her as best as you can as soon as is feasible

d-day 22 weeks ago --

its been only 3 weeks since we last spoke and 2 weeks since I last responded to a text from him but i can already see that I feel exponentially better the longer i stay away

i too went out of state to stay with family - its good to be away
i am putting in an application for my own place this week

i been getting out on the weekends and even had a lunch date yesterday


ps - forgetting sarah silverman --- hawaii --- and jeff buckley --- awesome!


me: bgf - 46
him: wwbf - 40
lived together 2-1/2 years
dday1 dec 16 2012 found texts
dday2 dec 29 2012 intercepted texts
dday3 feb 20 2013 found texts during false R
status: its over


Posts: 68 | Registered: Jan 2013
Laura28
♀ Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 3:51 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI CuckoldedinMa

I am so happy to read your posts about living the dream.

A few months after dday I realised that if FWH broke NC or I decided I just couldn't deal with what he had done then I needed a dream. A plan for the future which would bring me peace.

I am a French teacher in Oz and although I have only been there twice I love France. My dream was a cottage in the south of France, peaceful days, coffee with the locals, undemanding work and an affectionate cat. I planned to move there to live for a year or two to get all the crap out of my system.

I LOVE your dream. I love it so much I am tempted to adopt it if the worst should happen. Maybe go there first and then France. Maybe 6 months each. Who knows???

My point: I LOVE that you have something to look forward to. So often on SI I see BSs faced with the reality of separation who don't have a dream. I know that for most financial constraints and children often preclude a new start such as yours. Just wanted to say how happy I am that you have this plan for your future.

I am excited for you and your new beginning (and perhaps even a little envious).

I wish you peace and happiness in the future. Regardless of what happens.

BIG HUGS

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2754 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 40
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.