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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Can't believe This
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know Lucky...there is still going to be some fallout from this, but it took a year for me to get them to the point that they can both put their fingers to their head.

I have discussed with him many times and he wouldn't let go..now he has. She is next, time to see what her deal is and was.


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, April 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Betrayedtwice, get ahold of the book NOT "Just Friends"

http://www.shirleyglass.com/bookmain.htm

Many will tell you that an EA is harder to cope with, recover from than a PA. Both are traumatic, and I don't mean to lessen anyones pain at all... if this has been going on for a year, I'm not totally sure I'd believe it was 'just' an EA.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely think EA is worse than a ONS, sex is sex, talking,sharing your feelings with someone....getting closer and closer. Came to point we didn't hardly talk because he would tell her everything.

Think they are both dumbasses...lol


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are many reasons why I KNOW it was only a EA. One of which is she doesn't live here and we were gone for most of the year last year. But they kept in touch even though we were 3000 miles away.

Imagine it taking almost a year and a huge ordeal for them to stop talking to each other.

I think the reason she stopped and has seen the light because I told her boyfriend about the calls. I told him that my marriage was over (that was when he left, even though he's still gone) and it was a result of him and her and their intimate phone calls.

Now I have to try to put it right (try to bring N and her mother together again, etc) for everyone so it doesn't affect the family any more than it already has.

There is a Huge family issue going on now. EA the gift that keeps on giving.

So I think my crisis is over, still things to deal with but not so confused...both of them are starting to talk to me and explain.

I will continue to show my support on here because without you guys I would have went nuts. I was too embarrassed to go to friends and there is only so much I can discuss with my family


Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Lucky
♀ Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Listen sweetie, you have a lot on your plate. Step back and breathe a bit, take care of you first.

They created this mess it isn't your job to clean it up & nobody gets that more than me, truly.

Her relationship with her mom is hers to fix - not yours, it's part and parcel of growing up, it's called owning your shit and assuming responsibility for mistakes maken.

Your crisis is far from over it's just beginning, you are on the precipice of a landslide, you've no idea.

Right now maybe it would be better to not listen to them, they are busy doing damage control and trying to make it not such a big deal, point out your over reaction, they are "just friends" etc., be kind to yourself and step back. Do things you enjoy to try and take your mind off of it for an hour, half hour, 15 minutes...

And don't forget, we are always here.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

both of them are starting to talk to me and explain

Sorry, but this sounds more like "gaslighting and getting their cover stories straight." Have you seen their communications from the last year? I'd stay vigilant and start looking for the secret cell phone.

((betrayedtwice))


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8788 | Registered: Jan 2008
hopefulmother
♀ Member
Member # 38790
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucky_I wish there was a "like" button. I agree with her -damage control. Get your hands on "Not Just Friends" ASAP. It will bring a lot of clarity. It sounds like she has "daddy" issues. Your H isn't her father, so she was able to fall "in love" with him. Your H is clearly going through a mid-life crisis. So was mine. They need to feel young again, wanted again, needed again. They want to be the KISA. It is wrong, but it is not the end of the world. You can still save this. It would mean NC. It will be hard (no family events where she is there). Let her take care of herself. I have issues with my half-brother (pediophile) and haven't talked to him and seen him in 7yrs. It will cause family drama, but you need to focus on your immediate family. Stay separated for a week. Let him stew on his mistake. Then go see IC and MC. I know that it will always hurt. The intimacy and specialness is gone and can't be given back. Can you go on with that? Don't decide to do anything until you have had some therapy under your belt. I am soooo happy he has decided to start coming out of the fog.


Me-BW 39
WH-39
D-day 9-4-12
Major TT 8-14
Friends for 20yrs dating since 2000
Married 9yrs with 2 toddlers
My wedding band is a symbol of hope, forgiveness, love, and grace.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucky what is the landslide you are talking about?? What do you mean, there's more sh*t to come? What else? Give me a heads up

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
betraydtwice
Member
Member # 38921
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I can, I think you are right. There is so much that doesn't ring true? I still think there is ALOT more to this story. You are right, gaslighting and rugsweeping.

Posts: 148 | Registered: Apr 2013
Haphazard
♀ New Member
Member # 32204
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180 the both of them and give yourself some time to think about what you want instead of letting them give you a crock of stories. Its not for you to put anything right...its for them to do that
take care

Posts: 18 | Registered: May 2011
Topic Posts: 30
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