the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the "need to be accepted by all" mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorce.
I'm in big trouble!! I was afraid of this. Asking IC/MC to confirm this. If so, I'm out the door!!!!!
"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson
My IC said he can meet with his IC and us as well. I messaged my IC to ask if they can both evaluate him for NPD and/or NPD traits.
I'm so scared right now!!!
The phone bills I've been studying show his behavior patterns. He would call all OW until one wanted to hang out. Or get fixated on one for a few days and call like 10-20 times. This is totally freaking me out.
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:09 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]
Hoping each of your ICs and your MC agree to work together!! :)
They canít seem to overcome the desire to impress someone else, to maintain multiple relationships (however dead-end they may be), to manipulate their spouses. They may even carry out more than one extramarital relationship at the same time. Many of these serial cheaters are professionals with positions of high status; they seem drawn to anything that makes them feel powerful and in control. The victims, in turn, are often vulnerable or easily impressed upon, with no idea of the complex web they are being drawn into.
If I get professional confirmation of this, I'm so running for the hills!!!
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 6:06 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]
Here are the diagnosed labels my husband carries:
Personality Disorder with both 90% narcissistic and 90% obsessive compulsive traits.
Looking at that alone you'd think I'd be a damn fool for even remotely thinking of trying to stay with him.
However, he's been medicated for the BP and PTSD which made a HUGE difference. Then he got into 12-step meetings for his SA after an intensive therapy 3 day program. He's in therapy bot IC and MC.
He is NOT the same person he was when he got that assessment. Seeing how his brain worked however made it so much easier to come up with a treatment plan. We've realized, he will always need to be on meds and will always need to be in therapy. It's a given. We've accepted it and embraced it.
So, just saying, it's not hopeless.
Former 80s Icon wishful thinking
It is scary to realize this. I believe I have seen the mask slip, I am just not sure how NPD my WH is, so just really watching his actions and how I am being treated.
It's great that you are in IC/MC.
Good luck with your H. I wish you all the luck. The Lord knows we need it!!
How long did it take to diagnosis him? Your IC or his? both? I'm curios about this...
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 2:55 PM, April 26th (Friday)]
With my husband, my therapist made the suggested he get assessed for bipolar or something else, I can't remember the name of it at the time and recommended a psychologist to us.
The waiting time was the longest because he's the best one in the area. Once the process was started though it was finished rather quickly.
We had an intake meeting, where I was involved as well. He lied a lot in that meeting because I didn't know about his other affairs and how deep his SA was.
Then he did the assessment itself. It was like a 4 hour process. He scored very high on the IQ section which was no surprise to me.
Then we had a final meeting to go over the results. Which were astounding how it pegged him to a T. I have a 19 page report and I was like WOW. WOW. OMFG WOW. It was crazy accurate. About how he will tell someone what ever they want to get them to do what he wants, how selfish he was (paraphrasing here), how he had major abandonment issues, how quick he was to anger, how quick he was to judge people, etc. I was like DAYUM.
It also said how little he trusted the therapeutic process and that any therapist he went to would have to prove their trust to him over a long period of time. Boy was that right on too. He has JUST NOW within the past 2 months felt comfortable enough to really really open up to our therapist and we've been seeing her together for a year and a half. (I'd been seeing her for 3 years prior). And now he's really making progress because he can see she's got his best interest at heart. And ours.
It's been a VERY difficult road, not one I'd wish on anyone. But that assessment saved his life. He was breaking down prior to that and I believe suicidal. Getting on the correct meds and getting some answers really helped him a lot.
His IC diagnosed him. My IC thinks I need to leave (she is an infidelity survivor as well).