Definitely easier when mean. My WH (who I believe we agreed to call Waffle or Princess Lumpy Waffle) is always "nice". He is goodwith the kids, pays support with or without court order, and has even done stuff like bring me coffee when we had DS6 school conference.
Despite all this, MOW is still in the picture, so he is still an asshole. If he acted like one, it would be easier to detach. Instead, I see a lot of the man I married while knowing he is doing asshole things. That combination sucks.