[This message edited by HelpMe123 at 9:37 PM, April 25th (Thursday)]
I don't know a lot about lawyers - honestly the advice his gave? Doesn't even make sense..
Please remember. HIS laywer could not care less about you, your son, and frankly, about your POS WWhateverthehellheis. His lawyer is only about what he thinks he can get for your W? and what he can bill for.
Take this to your lawyer and play hard ball. You get to stay in the house until your son is 18, you get child support, he pays all bills for the house in lieu of you filing for spousal support, and he pays for your relocation to your home after you "raise" your joint son to adulthood. You get primary and physical custody and you get a morals cause that your W? can't take your son to visit the OW no matter if she is married to your POS W? or not.
Strike back hard and stand your ground. If you get it through his thick head that you will cause him severe pain if he continues to be a dick-head, you may manage to convence him that letting you go is the "cheap" way out.
He is a true POS. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Rule #2--See ^^^Rule #1.
"he suggested that you and son stay in the house for 2 years to get on your feet, but if you choose to stay when the 2 years is up you are not permitted to go back home unless you fight me, if you fight me I will seek custody and you will get visitation."
He's just told you that he's going to fight your move either way. Now or later. So, you may as well do it now as opposed to living across the street from this douche for 2 more years and dealing with his crazy antics. Isn't he the one that parked the *strange* car in your driveway and told you it was OW's even though his friend was in his car with him? If so, do you really want to deal with that type of crap for the next 2 years?
Go and get your own legal advice. And, I'm sitting on NG's bench here....don't deal with him on this stuff anymore. No more *verbal* conversations about ANY of this stuff. Email/text only....so that there is a black & white record. If he tries to engage you in any type of conversation, just tell him: "I'll run that by my L."
It is very important for you to see a L and get some type of *temporary* visitation schedule put into place ASAP since he keeps *threatening* a custody battle with you. You don't want to do anything that's going to come back to haunt you and make you look bad....thus, another *reason* to have all of your exchanges done through email/text.....it cuts out the *verbal* he said/she said stuff.
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
Once you have started to move forward, keep going in the right direction. He cannot get custody that easily - he just wants you there as a backup.
[This message edited by HelpMe123 at 9:37 AM, April 26th (Friday)]
What do you know about this OW?
Focusing on FAIR, will drive you nuts. Focus on who you know you are dealing with - he breaks his vows, his words mean nothing. Go through the atty.
I can hold my head up high and look at myself in the mirror with dignity.
As far as what do I know about OW....her name 2 addresses, age, birth date. I also know he's lied to her and she has no idea we were together. He told her he has been separated for 3 years and the reason I seem to be "going insane" over their relationship is because in his words "she doesn't want me but she doesn't want anyone else to have me".
So sorry about this mess. Ok, so you have a lawyer and he has a lawyer. Now step back from your WS and communicate only through them for now. Explain everything to your lawyer as you have done here and let him argue on your behalf. You need a legal arrangement ASAP.
I would like to add that no judge would look favorably on any man/woman who bullies their spouse and dependent son out of a home, particularly given your sons special needs. I call BULLSHIT on what your WS said!
I know you've read about not making decisions right away, but protecting yourself and your son must be a priority for you now. Stay strong and be prepared to play rough! You can work on other issues with this guy later - if you choose.
I know you are hurt and confused but why would you hold out hope for a R when he isn't even acting remorseful or indicating that is possible.
You have to keep moving to protect yourself and your kids.
I am proud of you for walking away. You didn't get pulled in to his manipulative bs. Don't feed his ego by responding to his nonsense. Silence is golden.
Keep fighting for what is right for you and your children. Don't feel like you have to make ANY decisions based on his timeline. Define what is safe and reasonable for you.
Take control and care of you and your kids. You can't control what he is going to do. As sad as it is - he's in charge of his destiny. He created this mess you just have to navigate through it. (((sorry)))
Stay strong and have the courage to hold your head up high. You did nothing wrong. His choices created this mess. NOT yours.
Don't consider R with an unremorseful bully.
You saw how he treated his last family. He'll treat you the same. Don't be his doormat.
He is selfish. Don't you want more for you and your kids?
You cannot control him, you cannot make him wake up from his fog. Only HE can do that and he has to WANT to do that.
If he cares more about going out while his family is crushed then that speaks volumes of the type of man he is and the type of character he lacks.
You want to R with a person that can so easily disregard you and your family and someone his is vicious and mean?
There are better things on your horizon better people to share your life with.
I know it is not easy and I am sorry but I just don't want you to continue to set yourself up for continued hurt and despair.
We all care and are here for you.
Good luck. Keep moving.