Of course hearing this I got upset. I said the same goes for you and left it.
Since then, he hasn't left me alone! Liking all statuses on FB, messaging me and talking in a much different way to how he did before I messaged him basically letting him know it was over and that I wouldn't be trying again, using the words i hope we can be friends at some point. His contact when 'he had me' was always pretty superficial, like he couldn't be bothered, but now he's totally changed tact. It's EXACTLY what he did last time I broke it off with him and the time before.
Sadly at this point, I started wondering if we could indeed sort things out.
But thankfully something happened and I managed to gather some info. I was talking to a friend of his on Facebook who he isn't that close with. He mentioned him and I said it's a sore subject at the moment. He said, why? did he send you a picture of his penis? I asked why and probed him a bit and he said that he had in fact sent a picture of his penis to his friend's (mutual friend of theirs) girlfriend. He said he didn't believe he had done it at first until she showed him the picture on her phone. I was gobsmacked and couldn't believe it. It obviously happened in the time we were together, but that aside, who in their right mind would send a picture like that to a mates gf.
I felt a HUGE relief when he told me this. Even happy, well ish. So if he was sending them to her, who else was he sending them to? What else was he actually up to that I have no clue about?
I'm DISGUSTED. I felt guilty for ignoring him and even now, I feel guilty for leaving him. I feel sorry for him because he must really have something seriously wrong with him.
Aside from that. I found his ex on facebook. He told me that she had done all these sexual things that he wanted to do, but had cheated in the end on him and went of with the other man.
No he didn't exactly paint the best picture of her. But I have to say, she looks very normal, a nice person, and pretty innocent like myself so I guess this is the type he goes for. I saw pics of them when they first got together at a wedding and she looks pretty miserable. His other friend also told me that he met her twice and that she was really nice, shy and quiet.
Evil Ex told me that their relationship and the one before that had went the same way ours did. I wonder why? He is the only common denominator in ALL of them. I wouldn't mind betting that he treated them the same way and then they left. He also lied about how long they were together. He said 4 years, they were together about 1.5 if that.
Oh how I have been fooled. Needless to say she and he are not friends on facebook. I would love to message her and ask her some things but I am not sure if that would be a good idea.
[This message edited by HURTAGAIN1981 at 6:22 AM, April 26th (Friday)]
He is sick and dangerous. Do not offer to be friends. Break off all contact from him NOW. Don't message the other girl. You have overwhelming evidence that he is a messed up lying cheating individual.
Block him on your FB. Block him from your phone, if you cant do that, get a different number. The more you engage him the longer and more messed up this will get.
RUN, DO NOT LOOK BACK, RUN
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
RUN RUN RUN RUN, please RUN! You cannot give enough attention to a person like this and they wouldnt notice even if you did. If you stay, you will always be waiting on the next red flag, always warming back up to the same empty promises when you are able to expose them enough that belittling you and raging at you wont make it go away for them. Please get away and give yourself a chance to be happy before you end up married and raising his children.
I think you have been given lots of amazing advice, it is time to move on and put him behind you.
IGNORE HIM - MOVE ON - NO CONTACT
Alea iacta est...
Imagine how good you've made him feel, knowing the power he has over you? You gave him ego kibbles. All he's ever going to give you is heartache, STD's and babies in disproportion to any fleeting fun he chooses to dispense (and which will only be dispensed when he senses he has to do something to keep you around).
Don't be his beard, Hon.
Why did you need to tell him you weren't ignoring him? After the things he told you the other night...he doesn't care about your feelings..WHY would you care about his?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
You could try to talk to the exgf if you think it will help you provide closure. At some point you do have to just PUSH this guy from your mind though. From the first time I read your story (back in Nov?) I never believed what he said about his ex cheating on him. Never. I think he lies about everything. I would bet money he is lying about his past relationships. If she is willing to talk to you, Im SURE she will give you a completely different picture about what happened. He wants to paint himself in a good light. Plus, he is most likely a pathological liar, based on his MO. I have been married to one(not my current H). He was a sociopath. If you want to know more you can PM me if you'd like.
On another topic, think about physically abused women. What usually happens is a man threatens, berates, beats, chokes or in other ways obviously abuses her. And then, when he sees she may actually leave or he might really lose her what does he do? Say sorry, beg, cry, bargain, promise, give gifts. Act like the nicest guy ever. And then she thinks about the good times and how he "used to be" so nice, and how they "could be" so happy if ONLY he stops being a complete ass. And she gives "one more chance". And the cycle repeats. What would you tell that woman? WOuldnt you say dont trust him! He will not stop. He is just acting nice to reel you back in. He is NOT truly a nice guy. He will only hurt you more, and maybe kill you. Please leave him now!
And thats what we all say to you. It may not be physical abuse, but he is still abusive, manipulative and very sick. And no, you cant help him.
I was thinking about you saying that you tend to repeat these type of relationships where you cannot seem to end it even when you know you should. I recommend you read this http://ptsdme.blogspot.com/2005/12/more-on-betrayal-bonds-aka-trauma.html . It is a brief synopsis about a book called The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships, by Patrick Carnes.
We are rooting for you!
PS. how is your mom doing?
"1) Huge amounts of porn
2) Likes to have sex partner wee in his mouth
3) Face F**ing
4) Seems obsessed with anal sex
5) Wanted me to wear a butt plug out drinking"
This guy is a whacked. You now know what he is. Any further mental/physical injury he brings to your life, you will be responsible for. You have gone from victim to volunteer.
I urge you to get professional help to keep yourself safe.