But now, two months out, MOW has recently started withholding important work information. Recently, WH ended up in a spot where he looked a little foolish at a meeting because she shared vital information with everyone except WH. She's adopted this angry, childish attitude of "you said you wanted no contact, I'm just giving you what you asked for." Last week, he requested a report about some client visit, which she ignored. He went to her office to get it and told me she wouldn't even look at him, just kept typing, and gave him brief, curt, 1-word answers. He left pissed off, but determined not ask her "what's wrong" or get into anything personal.
I told him I was upset that he went to her office. From where I sit, I think that's exactly what she wants and exactly WHY she's now withholding work information. WH is brushing it off and saying she's withholding information simply because she's "mad" at him and wants to punish him. Right. I don't doubt she's mad and hurt by the fact that he chose me (she said she'd leave her husband for my WH, which obviously he hasn't taken her up on that yet)... but I can't shake the belief that she's keeping important work information from him ONLY because it's the only card she has left to play. It forces him to come to her, and I think she wants to see ANY emotion from WH.
Am I right to be paranoid? Or could it really be "nothing" more than her anger. For what it's worth, I think if she truly hated him, she'd give him the information he needed to keep him away from her.
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)
At some point in the near future, it would be perfectly reasonable for your WH to address her attempts to undermine his work. I don't know his position, but I'm sure he has recourse if she continues to undermine his work since that will affect the company/organization.
Do you talk about his boundaries, and how to strengthen them?
We are in R.
My suggestion was for him to just make sure he emails her for everything needed, and saves his emails. That way, if the ball gets dropped, he'll have proof that he asked for information and she failed to deliver it.
What work did you do to overcome your A?
And yes it's the only card she had left to play. She's clearly not a 'well-adjusted individual.' (who is during a WS period) so I'd try and forget trying to figure out her motivations. I'd imagine that any reaction or attention is desired...(Though treating it as a purely professional problem shouldn't feed this...hopefully!)
Edited due to strange predictive nonsense!
[This message edited by Painfool at 10:55 AM, April 26th (Friday)]
The bad news is there is no key to happiness. The good news is it isn't locked.
In the meantime, my boundary with MOW2 is firm; NC except unavoidable work stuff, and that should be all in email where I can see it. She can pine away for him all she wants, and she can even make things hard for him at work (as I told WH - perhaps the difficulty he's having right now in getting things done should be viewed as a very logical consequence). However, you bring up a good point in that while I know my line in the sand, I haven't actually thought of what I will do if that line is crossed. I suppose the one big card I have left to play, if she pushes me, is that her BS is still in the dark about the woman he's married to.