My wayward husband has continuously lied to me basically about everything related to his affair. When I spoke to our soon to be counselor on the phone- I asked if I could speak to her alone for IC and so I could inform her that I'm so afraid my husband will lie in MC. She told me that she'd rather speak to us both beforehand and then decide if we need IC. I told my husband that he can't lie in counseling. But I know- he'll probably minimize and rug sweep.
But how do I prepare myself for that first counseling session? And I do know if it's uncomfortable for him- then I'll be blamed for that as well! What should I do?
As far as his discomfort, I say too bad. He's the reason you're going in the first place so that's on him.
Many have asked me how I could deal with a really long LTA that basically covered our entire 16 year M. Still working on the "dealing" part, but having a WW being honest and remorseful has helped.
If you perceive a lie, why not just say, 'I see that differently' or 'I experienced that differently'? Or even, 'That's a lie!'
IMO, if you don't feel safe enough to do that with this MC, you need a different MC - or a different solution altogether.
Sorry you have to wait so long, but that could have a benefit to you - you can pin down what you want out of MC bring it up early, and thereby save some thrashing around.
[This message edited by sisoon at 4:52 PM, April 26th (Friday)]
We have had two joint counselling sessions and I was tremendously nervous before the first session. I was worried about what to say, how to say it and the reaction I would precipitate from WH. If your MC is experienced and skilled in dealing with A, they will be able to manage and steer the session so that you will be safe and comfortable. The best advice that I can give is to be honest. Share that you believe that your WH has continuously lied, that you are worried that he will not be truthful and that he will likely rugsweep and minimize. This needs to be brought out so that the MC will be productive and the MC will know where you are at.
With respect to his reactions and whether it will be uncomfortable, unfortunately, this is out of your control. It is going to be uncomfortable for WH, MC is uncomfortable~it has to be because he will be looking closely at his flaws and the motivations and reasons behind hurtful actions. It's hard but you need to stop worrying about WH and focus on yourself. You can only control your own reactions and emotions. Take some time to figure out what it is you need/want and how to say it.
Hope this helps.