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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Coming out of the dark
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Cool  Posted: 2:06 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itís a strange feeling. I feel like I am coming out of the dark.

For those who have not read my posts, my FWH finally realized he had a FOO issue that he really was not aware of. It has just been uncovered via his IC and is now being worked with. This is over 2 years and countless hours of IC/MC. Almost an ah-ha for both of us. This makes his brokenness almost understandable. (No, does NOT excuse his actions) Plus he is not hiding from it, rather facing it head-on. Once he discovered it, actually requested a second IC appointment for the same week.

There has been a lot to deal with in these two plus years. The latest was my STD diagnosis as a result of his A. Then starting AD as that diagnosis was just a bit over what I could deal with without it. Doc has me on lowest possible dose as she didnít feel like I needed a strong one, and 4 weeks later I think she is right.
But after talking with him for hours this week, watching him as opened up SO completely to me, laying himself completely bareÖ..I felt darkness lift. I donít know how else to explain it. I am not being judgmental about it, I am trying to walk the fine line of being there, but letting him do the work he needs to do.

I donít know if this is yet another high phase on the awful rollercoaster, the effects of the AD, or do dare I say it for fear of jinxing it, could it be my first step towards acceptance and forgiveness??

Thoughts on this, oh wonderful wise SIers????


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 256 | Registered: Oct 2012
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, April 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doing the hard work, individually and together. Making progress, a day a time. Understanding the process is ongoing.

Sun peeking out of the clouds... Heck yeah. I think those good feelings are right on track.

Wishing you both continued success on this journey!!!

edited for the spelling errors I know...

[This message edited by redrock at 4:48 PM, April 26th (Friday)]


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3151 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
tryin2havefaith
♀ Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you redrock. Sometimes it's so hard to know when you are truly coming out of the darkness in this.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 256 | Registered: Oct 2012
Althea
♀ Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a similar feeling about 3-4 weeks ago. I am happy to report that it is still there We have had some hard things come up in the meantime. Things that previously would have caused a major nosedive on the rollercoaster and ended up with a severe trigger for me; and they didn't. It was difficult, but we worked through it, and though there was a down slope for me, it wasn't a big one.

One big thing I have learned in all of this is that we have to be compassionate with ourselves in ALL of our feelings. This means giving ourselves permission to feel sad, angry, etc.; but when we feel happy and good, we need to give ourselves permission to feel that too, without immediately shutting it down out of fear. Sure, things may nosedive for either of us tomorrow; but haven't we been through enough sadness to deserve one or several days of happiness too?


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 441 | Registered: Dec 2012
Safeguard
♀ Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 5:38 AM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's awesome!

Sounds very encouraging to me.
I pray for continued progress for you both. Good luck!


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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