Learning to breathe again - one day at a time
This is a crazy rollercoaster ride. You never know what emotion you will feel from one day to the next.
I'm glad you find yourself here, this is a wonderful forum.
D-Day June 12th 2008, D-Day #2 Sept 28th
D-Day #3 Feb 15th & 16th 2010, D-Day #4 Nov 29th 2010
I think this is most certainly the calm before the storm. When you discover something traumatic like this, you DO experience shock. It's your body's way of saying, "WHOA shut down shut down, we can't risk a hemorrhage right now, can the emotions so we can figure out how to survive this trauma!" It's an ancient response to something big & harmful & overwhelming.
Does he know you know?
Regardless, I'd recommend looking around "The Healing Library" (top left corner) and I'll see if I can dig up that "good posts for newbies" thread. (ETA: here it is! http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=361740&AP=1&HL= )
((hugs)) to you. Take good care of yourself in the coming days and brace yourself for the emotional fallout <3
[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 12:36 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]
There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
I was the same way. Emotionally, I shut down when I experience trauma. It has a lot to do with childhood trauma, and it's a defense mechanism, or so I've learned recently from my IC.
When my WW told me she had been cheating on my practically our entire marriage, wasn't attracted to me (and never has been in our entire 10-year relationship), was "in love" with her AP, found him to be so sexy and attractive, and had the best sex imaginable with him (note: I learned most all of this in the same night), I just sort of sat there and listened. Maybe I was in shock? But I think i was more just emotionally shutdown in an effort to prevent myself from going crazy. I think it was several days later where my emotions came back online and I was very hurt and angry.
Take a look at the 180 in the Healing Library, if you haven't already done so. I *WISH* I would have found SI.com back when I found out about my WW's A, as I had no resources, and was simply on my own to try to figure shit out. It was HORRIBLE, and I wouldn't ever do it like that again (note: there won't be another 'again' because I've established a boundary with myself that will never tolerate that kind of disgusting behavior from a spouse, GF, partner, etc., ever again).
Best of luck. Take care of yourself right now, and your rescue animals. That should be priority #1.
Edited to add - after the calm I was a train wreck, still kind of am actually. But am medicated and getting better. We glamorize affairs in the media and movies. Someone needs to make a movie that shows what *really* happens to the BS - a movie that shows the betrayed person curled up in a ball crying uncontrollably and unable to function for weeks.
[This message edited by cliffside at 11:36 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]