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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Proud of Myself?
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can tell I've changed a LOT since I first came here.

Currently, I'm on assignment out of town on business with a handful of my co-workers, all but one of whom are male, and only one of the guys is older than me.

That said, I went out with them this evening, as I was curious to see what they all wanted to do, and I've been encouraged to network with the other people we are meeting here from other companies. I watched, quietly masking my shame and horror, as all three of the men (one married, one engaged, one unknown) have stared, ogled, and hit on the women at the conference. Even worse is when I express my concerns to my female co-worker and am informed that "you just need to learn how to flirt harmlessly."

It's weird. I have what I feel are proper boundaries now, and I get to see the actions of people who do not. It's also scary. I understand that not everyone has the same relationship dynamic that Heart and I do now, but I honestly worry about the women in their lives who may or may not have any idea this stuff is going on.

Thanks to all of you wonderful people who have helped me improve things about myself that I never knew were broken.

I can't wait to get back home.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Mack9512
♀ Member
Member # 38619
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there really such a thing as "harmless flirting" when you are married or in a committed relationship?


"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello." - Paulo Coehlo

Posts: 404 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: East Coast
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, there isn't such a thing as harmless flirting.

Kbeguile, it's good that you're getting to a place where you have firm boundaries. Continue to stay vigilant.

ETA Where did you and co-workers go? Was Heart comfortable with your going out?

[This message edited by authenticnow at 6:56 AM, April 27th (Saturday)]


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37760 | Registered: Sep 2007
disillusioned12
♀ Member
Member # 37542
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Authentic Now. My STBX's harmless flirting with other women throughout our relationship was rug swept by me. Now here I am a BS about to D an unremorseful WS.


BS (Me)
WS (STBXH)
Married 2 yrs; Together 6 yrs

D-Day 11/14/12
EA(PA?)
Limbo 1 month
False R 2 months.
Status: Divorce on hold


Posts: 228 | Registered: Nov 2012
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"you just need to learn how to flirt harmlessly."
Former "Harmless" flirt here. Oh look...I'm a card carrying SI member.

AN raised a very good question. How did Heart feel about you going out?


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6259 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
KBeguile
♂ Member
Member # 38348
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As it was the last time I had to make one of these runs (to meet with our software provider), Heart and I had to work out our communications and it was really rough, since it was so soon after D-Day.

This time, I feel a little different, at least. More secure in some respects, less in others (like being self-conscious about being at restaurants by myself). However, I kept in constant communication with Heart and was always available to her. I hope that's helped her, because I know it's helped me.

We even got in some FaceTime and Diablo 3 one night. It was probably the highlight of this conference.


Me: fWS 32
Her: BS 35 (HeartInADustpan)
DS: 4yo
M: 7 years
DDays: 2012/11/14, 2013/02/05, 2013/03/09
-
"Everything that happens now is happening 'now.'"
"What happened to 'then'?"
"We passed 'then.'"

Posts: 801 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Topic Posts: 6

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