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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Taking back things, small and large.
Irolnyatbest
♀ Member
Member # 37467
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH was about 45 min away all last week for training for work. He stayed in a hotel. It was a rough week but I powered through.

We have been living apart but trying to reconcile. I started forcing down some walls a week or so ago. Just realized I had to give him more and stop protecting as much of me if I want to give us every chance of success.

More exciting is that I've been looking for a house to buy. I will buy it but he hope is of course to live there together. I found one last week I loved and put an offer in. After almost a week of going back and forth with the seller and them missing deadlines I got the signed counted offer late Thursday. I am officially under contract. It's a short sale, so on to bank approval.

I was over the moon excited. Called my H 4 times and texted and ten said screw it I'm driving down there! He is going to be the first person that knows and I am too excited not to share.

Sad that it occurred on the way there that he might not be answering because he might be with someone. But I pushed that fear down. I showed up and he had just gotten back to the room from eating and having drinks with a guy who he was training with. He was so excited and happy , laughing at how cute he thought I was for being so exited. It was the guy I married.

Ironically I had spent the night with him the night before and worn an outfit I hadn't worn since last year. It was what i wore the night before I caught him with OW. it put a smile on my face to realize I'd just wiped that terrible memory with a wonderful memory to associate from now on.

So a silly little thing, taking back an outfit (which I love) and a huge thing...my future home and future is in my hands. I'm so excited and praying things go smoothly with the bank from here


BS-29
WH-37
DDay 1 02/03/11 EA OW1 (Rugswept)
Dday 2 03/18/12 2 0234 Caught IN THE ACT-EA/PA OW2
WH 1st attempt to R was 06/12.
DDay 3 08/17/12 caught out again with OW2
Living separately, Attempting to truly R
5/5/13 he ended our M again...&#

Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Missouri
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congratulations! Happy for you.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9404 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I needed to read this.

Just realized I had to give him more and stop protecting as much of me if I want to give us every chance of success.

Never know when you write these things if they will help others.

Happy for you and this experience.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Irolnyatbest
♀ Member
Member # 37467
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks!

LA- I agree. I realized that if I don't tell him I love him when I feel it, the emotion doesn't change. It won't hurt less or make my love less if I'm disappointed or hurt again. He just doesn't get the positive reinforcement he's craving to continue pushing to be better. Our relationship is better in the last week and a half since I've started reciprocating.


BS-29
WH-37
DDay 1 02/03/11 EA OW1 (Rugswept)
Dday 2 03/18/12 2 0234 Caught IN THE ACT-EA/PA OW2
WH 1st attempt to R was 06/12.
DDay 3 08/17/12 caught out again with OW2
Living separately, Attempting to truly R
5/5/13 he ended our M again...&#

Posts: 111 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Missouri
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recall reading that in After the Affair - that you cannot wait until you feel 100% loving to reciprocate as you might never get there. But if you feel it - say it/give it.

She also writes that at some point - if there is no response from the hurt spouse towards the TRULY REMORSEFUL unfaithful spouse, he/she could potentially give up thinking it might never happen.

Good for you!


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2109 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! We take those small steps and they all add up......


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1636 | Registered: Mar 2010
Topic Posts: 6

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