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Newest Member: saltairnc (45082)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: First NB whirlwind romance ended :(
VioletPush
♀ Member
Member # 31365
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well.... I met a guy and we clicked - like clicked in that way that's scary. It was a fabulous whirlwind, it all went so fast. I knew I was throwing caution to the wind and that this would either end fabulously or tragically. We had so much in common, we had so much fun, and we saw each other a LOT - like we couldn't get enough. He's a super great guy...

But he's a super great guy who told me this weekend that he's not ready for a serious relationship right now. (I knew he ended his last relationship in October, and I WAS a bit worried that maybe that wasn't enough time for him...) Sigh.... I got the whole "you're so great, I wish I would have met you later.... Maybe in the future we can try this again.... " blah, blah, blah

I know that sounds like typical guy crap stuff to say when you're trying to "break up" with someone... I would like to believe its true though. I think everything just went so fast and he sort of freaked out. But he was really taking the lead in the fast lane... It's not like I pushed him there.

I was really blindsided by this, so it's definitely been a big bummer of a weekend. This is the first guy I've met in the 2 years since DDay that I was excited about - and I was really excited about him.

Well.... At least I took a chance, right? And it's better to find out now before more serious feelings became involved... Still feels crappy though :(


Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2011
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry for this new pain. Take really good care of yourself, it can be like ending a drug to end a romance, especially the kind where you saw eachother ALOT. Remember NC is your friend in such situations, no matter how hard the those withdrawal symptoms kick you in the but.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5835 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
VioletPush
♀ Member
Member # 31365
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Innerlight, I appreciate the kind words :)


Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2011
Diva0702
♀ Member
Member # 32309
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You had a wonderful time sharing yourself with someone you found exciting after such a deep psychological trauma. You should congratulate yourself heartily that you were ABLE to do this and take pleasure in the company of someone who found yours exhilarating. That in itself is quite an accomplishment.

As difficult as it is to let that go now, know in your heart that you are capable of giving again. That is truly wonderful!

It might have been a gentle way that this man felt he had to let you down, but he DID do it in a kind and thoughtful way, to you in person, and that speaks volumes. Your self esteeem should remain firmly intact.

I have a feeling that you have great things to look forward to sweet.

Lots of luck!


Me: BW 53
Him: FWH 47
4 wonderful grown children
2 beautiful grandchildren
Married 20 years
Together 23 years
Dday March 10 2010. 4 yr A.
Me: RGN(ret), N.Dip.,BA(Psych),MA (Psych),BA Music.
OW: 55 year old taxi driver

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: UK
VioletPush
♀ Member
Member # 31365
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Diva - thanks!! I really have been trying to tell myself that same sentiment. I knew I was making myself vulnerable, and that could lead to getting hurt... But that's the chance you have to take, right?

Ugh, those withdrawals are hitting hard today!


Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2011
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why does that seem like such a typical pattern with men?(sorry about the generalization, guys)

It seems they are the ones not ready for the serious relationship when the 2-3 month mark hits, yet when you look back, they are the ones that pushed it along... seems so common.

I'm sorry you are hurting.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
VioletPush
♀ Member
Member # 31365
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SSM - have you gotten that a lot? I hope that's not a pattern for me!

I keep having this nagging thought - even if you were a guy who was thinking that you weren't ready for a serious relationship, if you met the right person would you be magically ready?

I guess I was hoping to be that right person, and it feels sort of crappy to think I'm not.

Or maybe the magically being ready thing is total fantasy...

In the romantic comedy version of this story we'd cross paths again in 6 months and he'd realize I was the one he wanted all along! Haha.... Doesn't everyone think of their lives as a romantic comedy??? :)


Got rid of a lot of baggage, moved across the country, and am moving on with my life!

Posts: 235 | Registered: Mar 2011
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not me personally, but between friends and here - I seem to see that dynamic play out a lot.

I guess I was hoping to be that right person, and it feels sort of crappy to think I'm not.

I can totally relate to this. I end up hurt quite a bit, because as my father puts it, I always have my "rose colored glasses" on.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
Topic Posts: 8

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