Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Opinions? Please help
Nogoingback
♀ Member
Member # 38712
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had a discussion last night with WS and I asked her how she feels about OW these days. She still says "I care about her" and "I don't hate her". But when I asked her "why, given that she helped you to destroy your life" she nods and says she doesn't know. Is there still some disconnect with reality or is this possible in true R?
She does say, when pressed, that she loves me more than she's loved anyone before, although admits at the time she was putting all her love into the other relationship.
I don't know, is it possible it was "real" love, rather than infatuation, based on fantasy and bullshit, and escape, like I want to believe? OW was a supervisor and mentor to her for 16 months before anything happened.
Hurting.


BS 33
WS 31
together 10 years
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
Trying to reconcile

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron


Posts: 66 | Registered: Mar 2013
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((( no going back))))

I wouldn't like it myself. But I imagine that she could have felt what she thought was real love. I would worry that she was not 100% yours.

Sorry.

My fWH risked everything for a W he didn't respect or love and kept going to the point that he barely liked her, yet it took my catching him to stop and it went on for years. Is that better?

Betrayeds just can't understand waywards.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1735 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
cheerless
♀ Member
Member # 38135
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, April 28th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not appreciate that at all NGB. It's a very hurtful thing to say. I do not think she "gets it" yet if she does not see her as an accessory to a hideous crime against you and the baby you had together.

Is she committed to R and to doing the work to heal you, herself and the relationship? It is not enough for her to just say she loves you more. What are her actions saying?

I'm so sorry you're hurting. ((( ))) & strength


♪I'm not fine; I'm in pain
It's harder every day ~ Maroon 5♫

BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad


Posts: 273 | Registered: Jan 2013
Nogoingback
♀ Member
Member # 38712
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your thoughts. No I don't like it either. In fact I hate it.
Is there anyone else whose partner believes it was real love, and it actually seems like it was, because it has taken such a long time to die? It seems for all the successful R stories, they have realised it was all a lie and that when they realise this they lose any warm feelings for OP.
My WS doesn't want to be with her, she wants to be with me, but I can't shake the feeling that until she says "I want nothing to do with her ever again (even professionally)" she'll never truly "get it"


BS 33
WS 31
together 10 years
DD 4/8/2011
EA/PA with co-worker while I was pregnant
Trying to reconcile

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron


Posts: 66 | Registered: Mar 2013
PanicAttack53
♂ Member
Member # 34195
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know, is it possible it was "real" love, rather than infatuation, based on fantasy and bullshit, and escape, like I want to believe?

NBG, no it's not "real" love. Unfortunately she is still inside her fantasy bubble. While there, the A holds excitement as well as the "warm fuzzies" for a WS. Many also do misinterpret the attention they receive as love. Yes, it's all bullshit, but until that bubble is poked and popped, she'll remain in that fog.

Thing is... you can't do it for her. *She* has to get to the point where she realizes it was nothing more than a fantasy on her own. Then and only then will you see the fog lift allowing you a chance to truly R.

Here's wishing you good luck and success as you both move through this shitty mess.

[This message edited by PanicAttack53 at 10:13 PM, April 29th (Monday)]


Me-BH Her-XWW | B/ 60 | D final on 10/1/13 I'm Lovin' life again!
Rest of the story really doesn't matter any more.
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Posts: 868 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 5

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.