Me BW 37
Him WH 37
Married 14 years
[This message edited by iloveyouperiod at 4:06 AM, April 29th (Monday)]
So sorry you find yourself here.
Read the Healing Library above; lots of good stuff there.
You have the advantage of a remorseful H so that is in your favor. However, the pain takes time to lessen. You've already had some practice making your M a priority. It is common for children to take up all a woman's energy, plus with work it's hard. Remember that the A is not your fault. It sounds as if your WH started the affair before he talked to you. Talking to you and NOT starting an A is the right thing to do.
I am 7 months into R with a very remorseful H who has become the man of my dreams. Mostly the pain is gone; sometimes it jumps out and bites me.
Best of luck. SI has been invaluable to me.
He chose to cheat. This is not your fault. It has nothing to do with anything you did or did not do.
Did he write the OW a NC letter..one that you sent..so he didnt reword it?
He needs to find another job,since OW is a coworker.
He needs to answer all of your questions without defense or anger..or blameshifting..and he is blameshifting..
It takes 3-5 years to heal from infidelity..and that's if there is no TT.
Is he completely transparent? Do you have full access to all of his accounts and cell,including passwords?
Im sorry you're here,but glad you've found us.
Your WH did a good thing by confessing..but he needs to own his shit. He chose to cheat. Instead of turning toward you and working on the marriage,and coming up with ways to make it better for both of you(like him helping with the kids),he chose to turn away from you and the marruage.
Do not let him put this on you. he is a grown man..he is responsible for his actions.
Hmm. YOU were in the same marriage..yet you didn't cheat.
His excuses are just that...excuses.
[This message edited by confused615 at 6:20 AM, April 29th (Monday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
So sorry you had to find us, but now that you have, make good use of the resources here.
No matter what was going on in your marriage (and it sounds like what happens in a million marriages....kids and life), you are not to blame for your WH's A. If the PA was going on for four months, I would bet the EA was going on long before that, especially since they worked together. I highly recommend "Not Just Friends" by Dr. Shirley Glass for both you and your WH to read. You will get great insight into what happened and your WH will realize that what he had wasn't "special" or "love," it's what happens when two damaged people (WH and OW) have extremely poor boundaries.
Do you know who the OW is? Is she married? You might consider letting her BS know as well. That pretty much ensures that the A will be over..
Keep reading and posting in the forums. We are here to support you!