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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Should I be Thankful? (sarcastic)
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH 100% dedicated, in love with me, wants attention from me, wants to have fun with me again, says best sex with me, and actually shows all these things through his actions. Says our M strongest ever and will be better when we handle our own IC by growing into better people.

But, really?? Should I feel like I get a prize or something now that my H has decided he wants me and only me in his life again?? After all the pain he gifted me with, along with lies, deceit, sharing his heart and body with other women for 3 years??

I still don't get it, I can't comprehend it, I cannot for the life of my wrap my head around it.

He says he didn't think we would last and he assumed I would leave him when I finally found out. Then, we experienced HB, more Ddays, more HB...

And, this is where we're at.
I'm trying to enjoy it, but it's such a bittersweet realization. He's finally all mine, but at what price. That he went out to date for a while to realize I was the one all along...

I hate Mondays. So, good morning everyone...

Are you thankful for remorseful WS?

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:33 AM, April 29th (Monday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 year+ false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 and for good Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
MUFan
♀ Member
Member # 38284
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thankful that he never put me through what I've read a lot of other WS do.
I like someone's tagline "I'm not the winner. I'm the prize." I think that is all of the BSs.


Me (35)
fWH (35)- emotional affair that ended after a ONS (1-24-13)
4 kids
"Ah yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it or learn from it."
-The Lion King

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jan 2013
ms521
♀ Member
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For what it's worth, I *am* thankful for my remorseful WS because I see the pain from others around SI who don't want their relationships to end and don't have a WS willing to step up and do the work necessary.


Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)


Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
sunshine226
♀ Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i can definitely relate, the more time passes and he spends living with OW, the less i feel about myself, and the chances of ever getting past all of the time

Cheating on me has shaken me to the core but all the time he has been living with OW, i feel will be the hardest to get past, whether we R or not

I dont want to be an option and that is the way that I have LET him treat me.............NO MORE


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 11:54 AM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to move to general because I don't want to be a debbie downer for those in R.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 year+ false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 and for good Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WRT your sarcasm, I'm with you. I'm glad my W is an 'ideal WS'. Life is a lot better, I suspect, with an ideal WS than with a middling WS, but really - who wants to be M to a WS of any sort?
*******************

R is difficult, but if a post puts my R into doubt, I very much want to see that post. Your pessimism about your post-D-Day life may be a wakeup call to someone else.

So post where you please - I recommend posting were you'll get the most support. (I sometimes suggest to a WS that s/he post a specific issue on WS instead of R, but that's only because I believe s/he'll probably get more support there.)


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9732 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Undefinabl3
♀ Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm trying to enjoy it, but it's such a bittersweet realization. He's finally all mine, but at what price. That he went out to date for a while to realize I was the one all along.

You may want to try and PM some of the members that the affiar really was a deal breaker for them, and they couldnt go back.

You may not be able to wrap your head around it because you may not really be able to accept what he did.

I know that there are PLENTY of WS's here that are thankful to get a second chance, and I know that there are a lot of BS's that were thankful to have a true, remorseful fWS that worked on themselves and together made a stronger marriage, but you have to want it...


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1683 | Registered: Sep 2012
atsenaotie
♂ Member
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi libertyrocks,

Are you thankful for remorseful WS?

Once I was certain that is what I had, sure. You show ddays from November to two weeks ago. I would want to see some real sustained effort and actions before I began to think I really had a 100% dedicated, in love with me WS.

Once you see the consistent transparency, changes in behaviors from old habits to new healthier ones, more open and intimate communication, more gestures to win you back, then you may actually feel thankful for your prodigal WS.

When I was at the stage you are now I was satisfied with "not divorcing" and waiting to see what happened while i worked on healing myself.

[This message edited by atsenaotie at 2:47 PM, April 29th (Monday)]


LTA BS 53
M 1990, dday 10-5-09
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4074 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, you don't have to be thankful. Thankful and happy are two entirely different things though. If you can be happy, fuck thankful.

Sorry you're having a shitty day. Antiversary time here, I get it. Hope your week gets better.


“Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.”

Posts: 7341 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi liberty, catlover again.

I'm actually having a bit of a down time myself. I've been injured, in pain and not sleeping (but getting better now) and although my fantastically remorseful H has been taking excellent care of me I have been wondering if I can get past it.

He has become more than I ever thought possible. He has my sympathy for how he became damaged. But some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks.

My advice to us both; wait. And stop trying to understand. As many here, and indeed my own H, have said, there's no understanding the wayward mindset. Aren't you glad you can't in some ways? I get my H's whys and he's working on being the best man he can be, but for a happily married man to risk everything for a person he wouldn't even date, then continue doing so, when it was toxic and unrewarding, boggles the mind. Only pathology can explain it.

BTW--Mondays were hard for me too for a long time. H recognized this and was extra attentive. Better now.

Hugs!!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1698 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, April 29th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Real big hugs to each and every one of you.

Didn't know I could go to WS forum. That's exciting for me! lol.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,alcoholic, suspected NPD SA. 2 boys. M 6yrs T13.
DDay #1 Nov, 2012. 1 year+ false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (all W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 and for good Jan, 2014
Filed for D Feb, 2014.

Posts: 909 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
Topic Posts: 11

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