I can feel your hurt from here. I wish I had some magic words to make it all better, but unfortunantly I don't think there are any.
" Do i go to MC and try to save 25 years or has the past 25 years all been a lie? Part of me thinks he's only sorry he got caught."
Only you can answer this question. But, if you can I think that you should go to IC first, just so that you can start to heal before you bring him into counciling with you. Ask him if he will go to IC too with a different therapist.
Have you asked him if he's happy it is finally over or does he wish he didn't get caught. Watch the expressions on his face perhaps you can tell this way.
Again, I am so sorry you found yourself here, but this is a great support site and you are welcome.
I am so sorry that you had to come here, but this is the greatest place of support and understanding there is. And there is fantastic advice from the members to be found here as well.
For now, just try to let yourself breathe, I know it's hard. And remember this (possibly the number one rule at SI) Never Reveal Your Sources (to the Wayward Spouse).
Hugs. We are here. We listen. And others will have great advise for you.
A MLC is not a reason, it's an excuse! - Me.
Individial counselling (for you) would be a great idea as soon as you can, so you know someone impartial is listening.
Thinking of you.
Josephine01, he says he feels embarrassed, ashamed and says he truly regrets what he's done. Says he feels physically sick when he thinks about it. (Nothing compared to what i feel when i think about it). He says he feels a burden has been lifted. I had asked about the sordid details of the first affair over the last 2weeks and although he said he didn't want to hurt me further, he did answer all my questions. He has given me some of the detail of the affair and the 2 occasions of sex that came out last night but to be honest I haven't asked as much of the graphic detail, think it will be much the same as the first.
Just had another emotional talk and he's says he loves me, wants me and his family, wants us to grow old together, wants me to give him one glimmer of hope. My heart is breaking, i've told him we'll take one day at a time and that this will b a long haul. He says he's sorry and wants to be here for me. He reiterated that i've not to compare myself to them, that they are nothing compared to me ( great, but then why do it in the first place) he says it was sex offered on a plate and lots of flattery to his ageing ego, says he can't believe he's been so stupid and risked everything.
I'll look at IC, although to be honest everything has such a long waiting list at the moment. There are obviously a lot of hurt people out there in the same boat.