I think his NPD is really haywire. I was wishing there was a pill for it like a thyroid, where they could raise or lower it as needed. (Lol)
Anyway, if he speaks of M or "problems" at all, it's the "Pity Me, Poor Me" attitude and everything about him. It's like he was married to himself! Sorry, I feel sarcastic sometimes.
So I'm writing again to ask if anyone has advice for this aspect of things? My L knows everything I could think of and I tried to not be emotional, so I think I'm covered there.
And I tend to ignore it and am of the opinion that no matter how bad he feels for himself, he cheated. He will forever be the victim and has even claimed his hurt to be more than ours!!!
But besides OW, he did "other things", as my many posts have complained of. I understand that it's part of the justification side of things and probably the fog, I just wonder how best or easiest to get it to pass by.
He will accept responsiblity for nothing and does not respond when I tell it like it is. It's one of the problems between us, as my Rug Sweeping thread mentioned. He cannot stand to be told he did any little thing wrong and with all of this and core being things, he's truly in denial.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I ask myself, how is it possible that he can know what he's done for so long but try to be a victim and make it my fault?
So ignore it. If your lawyer is halfway competent he'll be able to disprove any lies in court. In front of the judge. Where it counts.
Oh and he said that OW would be supportive of him because "she's special". I'm not joking, those are the words he used.
Why can't these people at least be original?!
Anyone with a working brain and no personal ties to the lying cheater tends to be able to see that they are full of crap and making excuses. They are most successful at fooling themselves.
It means you're The Doctor!
If only I had devoted myself to him even more than I did, he wouldn't have had to cheat on me. But that's just this months excuse. Before it was my anger that made him do it. He somehow twisted his version of reality enough to convince himself that my anger that was caused *BY* the affair also CAUSED the affair. I guess my anger was so strong that it traveled through space and time to cause him to cheat before the anger existed!
Oh my god, thank you for posting this tonight. THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is what I'm dealing with right now. And he's brought it all the way to court.
In my case, my "meanness" caused by STBX's sex addiction apparently caused the original sex addiction.
Thank you again for expressing this so well.
Also, Ashland, a CSAT told me that every single SA he's had as a patient (maybe thousands? certainly hundreds anyhow) ALL blame their wives. One apparently told him that if his wife "went to more parties and was more sociable" he wouldn't be a SA.
SA and NPD. WORST combo ever.
When my XWW started the pity party, I told her "I know you are upset, I just want you to know that I do not care at all. "
It's really, really annoying to hear when he does it, because he's the one who caused pain, it wasn't done to him!!!!!! And the anger comes full force because he knew he was making those horrible choices but did it anyway. So now wants pity?
He is extreme NPD and he is SA and he is PA and his resentments he never discussed when they first bugged him are also coming out and he's trying (I think?) to find a way to peg this on me.
He hates psychology and self-inflection so I suppose the easiest way out for him is to push it on me? He worked really, really hard at false counseling to make me look and feel incompetent and like an emotional disaster.
Luckily, I continued after he quit and worked like a dog to prove myself, but soon questioned the counselor when she was so unsupportive of me. Once I learned he was feeding her crap, I stopped going. She would stand over my chair and yell at me while I cried and point in my face...that was the last time I went.
He will not own up to what he said to her, but she didn't get it out of a bag of candy or air, did she?
I am a little worried he will use that angle in court and I read a few websites where a person who abandons their family may try this tactic to make it seem like they tried everything they could...but what's the obvious point in the long run, even as I sit here sane as can be, is that he cheated.
Unfortunately, he hasn't had many consequences to suffer and if he does, he blames others, mainly, me. His siblings bail him out and take him in and the praise for OW is stunning, who knew he was married after confession, but keeps him anyway.
I am trying so hard to push myself to realize what his true colors are, but I think now that D is truly coming, I am having small periods of extra worry for what he will drum up to say about me.
Thank you for your insights and points of view. He did try to blame me for the A and for the loss of two jobs and some other stuff, things that I wasn't even present for!