SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Started talking to a OLD guy and it turns out he is pastor. We have just been doing casual emails at this point.

He is D with kiddos.

Anyway - has anyone here dated a pastor or would you? I know the dynamics would be different in some aspects than the average OLD guys (ie Like, I wouldn't expect this one to ask for my undies.... )

Just trying to think of the pros/cons before I dip my toes too far.

You guys are always so wise at looking at all the angles.

Thanks!

My Mom's husband is a pastor and if you are interested in the guy and he is a pastor at a church, you need to keep in mind that "pastor's wife" is a lifestyle that can be pretty difficult.

My sister's partner is a pastor too but she is a chaplain at a hospital. It isn't much different from any other job with weird hours.

I would date a pastor. I don't think I'd marry one. I am not who you'd want as a pastor's wife.

you need to keep in mind that "pastor's wife" is a lifestyle that can be pretty difficult.

This is what I am thinking about. My own pastor's wife told me a long time ago that she had a heck of a time adjusting to being a pastor's wife. When they married, he was a farmer. Later on he got his calling and went on to be a pastor. She said she kept thinking this was not what she signed up for (or expected) when she married him. She battled bouts of depression for years and almost left him over it.

I am not who you'd want as a pastor's wife.

I get what you are saying. Part of me thinks that too about myself.

No, but then again, I highly doubt he'd want to date me.

Since I'm an agnostic, I doubt that a pastor would want to date me. I would, for sure, suck at being a pastor's wife.

NL

My dad is a pastor. I briefly dated (maybe 4-5 dates?) a pastor last fall. Nice guy. I'm very deeply religious.

I think my biggest problem was our differences in theology. I'm a very opinionated person with very well informed views. He was comfortable with that, and with the differences between what we believed, but it wouldn't have gone over well with his congregation if I'd been vocal about what I believe (none of it was "salvation level" differences, just "theology" kwim?)

I also wouldn't mold well into the pastor's wife role, but then, I saw my mom buck the trend my entire life, and my dad has always been really intentional about not letting her be forced into a role that doesn't fit her. She doesn't help out at church in ANY of the traditional ways, because those aren't her gifts.

Ditto Newlease.

I wouldnt date a pastor (or anyone deeply religious) because long-term (raising kids, etc) I can see conflicts coming up where my lack of religious beliefs could be a dealbreaker.

I think it would depend on the pastor.

Like, how he deals or responds to things...

What does he/she expect of a person they date/marry?

What are they like? There are so many different kinds but all are people underneath the collar.

Working in churches all my life and in different areas has helped me see that pastors and priests are really just people.

However, I do understand the idea of the pastor's wife and that post and the pressures there could be.

I also think it's really good that you are thinking about it, EvenKeel, and not just dismissing the idea because of a person's vocation.

I've also known many different kinds of pastors and priests, with many different personalities.

We would have some 'interesting' conversations... and I love interesting conversations.

It depends on what he's into dating for--if it's just for companionship, yes, but if he were looking for a mate, it would probably not be a good match because

1)I'm spiritual but have no religion.

2) I think religions are the root of all evil

3) At this point, I don't intend to ever marry again

and my dad has always been really intentional about not letting her be forced into a role that doesn't fit her.

My own pastor's wife was like this too. She would often say the "Pastor's wife's expections" were more all in her head. That our congregation was very open to her ways and never expected what she thought they would out of her.

I think it would depend on the pastor.

Like, how he deals or responds to things...

What does he/she expect of a person they date/marry?

What are they like? There are so many different kinds but all are people underneath the collar.

We are very early into the emailing stage so I am still getting a feel of things.

However, he asked in one of the first emails if I would ever remarry. He said he is almost 50 and while has ever intent of going through all the stages of dating....he is dating with the intent to remarry someday.

I have done some internet perusing and while it appears he was a senior pastor in the past, he is currently solely in charge of the music program at this current church. So I don't think he is dealing with a full-fledge pastor role at this current time.

At some point, I plan to get the details. IE Was this his end goal (more music based) or is his goal to go back to running a church again, etc?

Meanwhile, I am thinking about me. Although VERY premature, it is better to think it through now.

My GF says I always date people that are "safe". Like they live further away, etc. I had to chuckle when I realized he was into ministry because how much safer could you be.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 1:05 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]

how much safer could you be

Don't kid yourself; there are freaks in every profession. Not to denigrate the good pastors out there, but we've had several BSs on this site who were M to cheating pastors.

how much safer could you be

Don't kid yourself; there are freaks in every profession. Not to denigrate the good pastors out there, but we've had several BSs on this site who were M to cheating pastors.

The closest I've come to be sexually assaulted was the pastor at my church.

I had to chuckle when I realized he was into ministry because how much safer could you be

My Mom's relationship started as an affair. He was married too. My Dad considered him to be his best friend. "Wolves in sheep's clothing" comes to mind.

[This message edited by h0peless at 2:37 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]

No, no, no and no. But only because religion and I don't see eye to eye on much of anything.

It would not be a match made in....heaven.

My brothers in-laws are a Pastor family. The Father and sons are Pastors and are actually pretty big in the area. The stories he hears as "part" of the family now disturb me to no end. The number of Pastors that cheat, steal, manipulate, etc is astounding. Then again it's probably no different then any other profession.

My point is just remember that preachers/pastors/religious leaders are human beings as well and prone to making mistakes, bouts of hypocrisy, sinning, and everything else just like the "rest of us". I am positive their are some "genuine" good and great Pastors out there just as in other professions but don't assume a Godly person is a good person. At the end of the day he/she is still just a man/woman.

You guys are right. I definitely should not let down any defenses "JUST" because of his profession.

Ironically, "I" am the one that told my cousin to be careful on the christian OLD site because that is where I found the creepers at.

I am very interested to hear how his marriage ended....both him and his wife were in that profession, etc. But too soon to ask.

Ohhh and someone else told me that anyone in that profession has people coming on to them all the time. Whodathunk it

My very first "love", the first person I feel head over heels for...went into the ministry.

We dated off and on for years, never quite making it work. One weekend, after college, I went to visit him. We had a serious discussion about the future and I told him I would not make a very good "pastor's wife". I was raised Agnostic and my views are not mainstream. I remember his reply, "I'm looking for the perfect wife for ME, not a 'pastors wife'". I just knew that it wouldn't work and we ended. He ended up marrying a teacher, also religious.

I don't think I would have functioned well as a pastors wife.