Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: sadmama33 (45336)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Sticking it Out Through WS IC
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man sometimes I just want to retract. Some major issues I have with the relationship are issues that are deep rooted in my WS. Sometimes I don't know if I have the strength to stick it out through the duration of the healing process because I don't know if they will change. I know what I want out of a relationship but my WS is broken, hurting and sometimes lost. ALOT of FOO issues. I made a commitment to stay and work through this but today I am having a down day. I want that spark back in the relationship. But how can I get a spark from a WS that isn't happy with themselves. Patience, support and working on me I suppose is all I can do at this point.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Igaveitmyall)))

No real wisdom here. There's no one we can be sure what the future will hold. And no way to change the past. Being supportive and patient, as you say, while doing your own work is all I can see. Unless you find that your WS is not working, then I would tend to lose patience.

Best of luck.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1748 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
JustmeVA
♂ Member
Member # 36498
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can always focus on the positive that she is in IC and is getting help... Hopefully she can go often enough to potentially help minimize the time frame..

IS she helping at all with your healing while she works on her FOO issues and herself??

[This message edited by JustmeVA at 12:41 PM, April 30th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 116 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: VA
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IS she helping at all with your healing while she works on her FOO issues and herself??
Yes she is. She is always there to help me through my bad days. I am also there to help her through hers. So we both are trying to help pick each other up. She was having a bad day last night. Just saying she wished we had a care free life but has a hard time balancing the resposibility and having fun in life. Sometimes she wishes we had more time to be US. She misses the carefree life we had before kids and how much passion we had for each other. So its an inner struggle of balance. I told her its in her head. We can still have that to an extent. So she is going to IC today and is trying to figure out what is blocking her from that.


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
JustmeVA
♂ Member
Member # 36498
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its great she is helping..

Relationships are hard enough when you dont have kids in the mix.. Striking a balance between all that is tough.. When it is just the two of you all you had to balance was your "you" life, her "her" life and your "Us" life.. Now that you have kids you got to balance your "family" life as well..

Are you two in MC?


Posts: 116 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: VA
What2Thnk
Member
Member # 37863
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could have written your original post, IGMA, and I would add that I don't know if it will be worth it, even if my WS IS able to change. I just don't know if there's too much damage.


Me (BS) 42
Him (WS) 43
DD #1 7/19/10 2 year LTA EA/PA w/MOW - HSXGF#1
DD #2 6/6/12 4 mo EA (PA?) w/HSXGF#2
DD #3 12/15/12 3 week EA with random stranger
A whole crapload of gaslighting, minimizing, blameshifting, rugsweeping and TT.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Dec 2012
IGaveItMyAll
♂ Member
Member # 38622
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

don't know if it will be worth it, even if my WS IS able to change. I just don't know if there's too much damage.
Maybe its the optimistic me but I think it will totally be worth it if we can have a healthier marriage than that of our past. The damage is done true.... BUT I strive for something healthy and better which I know will take work and time. I know what I am capable of. I just hope my WS can get there. She will have to heal and relearn many negative traits formed in the past 25+ years. Damn that will take some time. She ultimately wants happiness and not to be so negative. So I know her end goal is the same as mine. We are on the same page. Time is a bitch though!!!


ME-BS 34
FWW-28
M 6 Yrs
DDAY- 8/20/12
R

Posts: 332 | Registered: Mar 2013
JustmeVA
♂ Member
Member # 36498
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, April 30th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like you have you both have the right attitude.. If you do the work.. and it will be hard.. But if you both work it every day I would like to think you can create that happy place you both desire... If we can't believe in that then what are we still doing in our relationships? Right???


Posts: 116 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: VA
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: Reconciliation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.