I think you need to change the locks on the doors and see a lawyer. He has gotten so deep into the fog that the light of reason is no longer getting through. I understand wanted to self sacrifice for your family, but I would never do the same with a child. By the tearing of my heart from reading your post, I don't think you can to.
I am giving an honest to goodness hedge of protection prayer to you HelpMe123. Right now, in my cubicle, in my office as I work. I pray for your comfort, for you and your family. I pray for wisdom for your spouse and I pray for discernment for you.
Sending you good thoughts.
Hoping for your continued strength.
"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back up"
The unselfish concern you express for your son, indicates that you are a good person and mother. I’m always a little confused with people in your situation, who are so hurt that they seem unconcerned for their children. In the coming months, you will come to realize what a disgusting man your WH is and your pain will subside little by little. Your concern will shift more and more to your son. You would love to take his pain. I hope I can allay your concerns on that matter a little. A month after our D was final, I took my oldest son, his wife, and my 13 and 15 yr old daughters on a cruise. I was hoping to take their minds off of their mother for a week, before school started. On the last night of the cruise, I went up on the deck by myself to give my daughters a chance to get dressed for formal night, without me in the room. I was watching the lights of Cancun and worrying about what would happen when summer was over and my daughters would leave the full time comfort of their dad. They had both been good girls, good students and I was concerned that this would affect them negatively. I guess my concern showed, because the wife of a couple looking at the same lights ask me if I was okay. I told what had happened, explaining that I thought I was married to a perfect wife with a perfect family. What she said will stick with me the rest of my life. She said “I never have seen great kids come out of perfect families, we all need struggles to grow”. For some reason, I knew she was right, and I felt some comfort. I knew I had to be strong and put one foot in front of the other and move on with my family. We did just that. My oldest daughter graduated as salutatorian of her class last May. My youngest daughter is leading a very competitive class and I fully expect her to march as valedictorian next year. You’re going to see how blessed you are to have your son. Crying, hurting, and being emotional now is okay for your son to see. God never gives us more than we can handle and you will get it together when the time is right. It will happen. You’re going to grow through this.
You don’t deserve him, you deserve much better. However, there is going to come a day when he comes down from his infatuation and can’t live with what he has done. At that point, he has to revise history. He is going to do everything he can to blame it on you. My favorites from my XW were “well you’re weren’t perfect”, “how do I know you never had an affair”, and “well you were a good husband and good father, but this is different” . Don’t give him the time of day.
And BTW, you never will be able to wrap your mind around how he could do this to your son, don't try.
The sad thing for all of us is that the decision to end our marriages was taken unilaterally and without any consultation. Whilst we will all eventually heal from this and move on, and the WS will hopefully and eventually regret their selfish decision, none of us wanted to be in this place. That's what sucks.
Basically, that I believe everything happens for a reason, we may not know what that reason is when it happens, but for everything that we have to struggle to get through in life it makes us stronger, and builds us up if we work hard.
You will get through this, you will be stronger and be happy again.
(((( and strength ))))
It's all about NC, and that means even looking.
Read the 180 and the yellow box as often as necessary to distract and learn.
We know it's hell.
Prayers and Hugs.