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DD is beginning to ask questions or talk about her feelings, finally. I've told her she could do this with me throughout the whole journey, but I don't prod or push.

Today a bunch of different things came out, largely in relation to her own future and her security.

She asks about our house and knows we may have to move, but one of the harder ones to hear was when she asked what would happen to her if I died.

She also tells me periodically that "daddy still loves you", so I described in very simple terms to her how his "love" for me changed. She got the idea and nodded, but is so strikingly like I was when my parents divorced that it is putting more cracks in my heart...and I didn't know there was room for any more of this pain.

She asked, "will I be the baby's mom if you die?" and some other things.

I don't have a will that's formally written and stored, but I have this type of plan already made with people from long, long ago. It's just not something I ever expected to actually hear from her voice, never mind at her age.

I made no promises and told her that I wouldn't and I told her some of my more simple coping mechanisms. She said "I'll do that, too!" and that made me smile.

Mediation is to begin very soon, probably losing our house and possible major complications with the baby are also in the bowl of soup on my plate, but I guess I thought typing out what she said may help it not get stuck in my head?

Always I strive to be direct with her but simple and honest, but it's not easy.

It's my suspsicion that she may be having some reactions to the abandonment?

Thank you.

Sorry to hear your DD is suffering. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job of listening and being there for her. Are there any therapy or counseling options that might be helpful for her to work through her emotions?

Also so sorry to hear about possible complications with the baby. Please take good care of yourself through this time. Biggest of hugs.

HI Heal&Deal,

Many thanks for your messages and apologies for my whining.

Last year, I took DD to a child's counselor and in order to keep peace and not knowing about our rights, let Perv attend the sessions. Well, he manipulated them so much that I don't think DD really got anything out of them.

The counselor was not great, either and did some funky things I questioned.

It's on my list and I am searching for a new one and am going to ask my L advice if Perv asks to be involved again. We went with her for six months and it felt really wasted because he would start the topic and was so controlling that the counselor just followed him and made it all about something more relevant to him almost than her...like their visits.

Then, he would argue! She was foreign and fine for me but he could not understand a bunch of her accent and I ended up interpreting. But, it's something I would like to have for her again.

One of the interpretations stayed in my head. He was complaining about the visits and DD not settling down, so when the counselor suggested a "nightlight", he was very, very confused because it was about her reading at night. So I said, "a light for reading in her room at night!" and wanted a bat! (lol).

Then one day the counselor had a necklace DD liked and the counselor referred to it as "medallion" and Perv just could not locate the medallion in the room! Like 20 minutes went by before I finally pointed, annoyed and said "the necklace!!!"

So any advice for working out what would happen if he wanted to attend would be great. It's my suspicion that he wanted to go to make sure nothing negative was said about him, as opposed to real support, but I don't know?

Please make a formal will. If you don't whatever plans you set in place long ago may not be viable now. Your daughter & new baby need to be protected now. Otherwise, dear ole Dad will make his wishes known and with no will, whomever was going to watch over your littles won't have a leg to stand on. Please don't let this wait.

I agree about making a will. I am an attorney and I can't tell you how many times people don't think about this until its too late. You sound like you are such a great mom. You are supporting her and loving her and listening to her. It's amazing that while we are hurting for ourselves and our children, our ws just seems to be concerned with themselves. It just highlights their selfishness. Keep being strong for her, your baby on the way, and yourself!

Feeling so low.

Today should have been a good day, but the emotions took over at the very end, so many at once, that I am back to not functionioning very well.

Results came for the baby tests and were all good news. The risk for any of those problems is very low, including down syndrome and the other things.

Also, IT'S A BOY!!!!

So I have all of that in my head, but when STBXH left or I know he's leaving, I fall into this depression again. I'm mad, also. Mad that his coming and going affects me so much still.

Truly, I understand what a loser he is and all the things he's done, all the while he continues to minimalize.

Yes, it's giving him that dratted head space, I know. That's what I'm trying to sort out. Why? Why can't I let go of an unemployed pervert after all he did?

Is it the hormones, mixed in there?

It was a very interesting day, the most time I've had to spend with him since it all happened in the winter. He spoke of the baby often and hasn't before and grilled the doctor and technician and asked for copies of the ultra sound pictures.

I don't even find myself attracted to him anymore, so I don't understand this melancholy when he goes off again. I think it's because I know where he's going?

I'm trying to think more about the baby instead and push myself out of this awful place I nose-dove into.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the emotions and not doing well alone.

Boundaries were laid out today and though he had far more bathroom trips than necessary, did not text in front of me as before. Some apologies came for previous behavior, but are taken with a grain of salt.

Yes, I have to put this away and find other things to think about.

I've been trying to remember the good parts, as we're supposed to, including getting a mother's day present for my mother.

The sadness that you fall into seems very understandable to me. It seems like it's maybe a mourning, a sadness for what you always hoped and planned would be, which you now know will not and cannot be.

Your future and your kids' future sounds much brighter to me without his constant presence.

Peaceful thoughts to you.