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My wh doesn't know what he wants. He took his 1.5 yr. EA to a PA a week ago. So, I signed a one year lease to a new apartment today. I packed up my stuff and took as much as I could today, leaving the rest packed up and ready to go for this weekend. Also been doing NC and 180 for a few days. He came home from work, saw my stuff packed, the house empty and called me. He is freaking out. Seems to finally be understanding the ramifications of his actions. He is moving too. Rather than with her or his parents, he's staying with a middle-aged couple he works with for a few months. He says he doesn't want to sign a year lease because he wants to repair our marriage.

K, so obviously I love him ans lots of people here are praying for reconciling. We are not going to make any decisions until the end of summer, but any thoughts about his sudden change of douchebaggery?

"Sudden" is the key word. Real change isn't a light switch. Your move shocked him, certainly. But before you start counting any chickens, you have to watch his actions over time. His actions will show you where he truly is.

((((meplustwo))))

MP2,

In the infidelity world, the hardest lesson to learn is to hear the words they say but NOT take those words to heart, or at the most hopeful interpretation.

Maybe he wants to work on the marriage as he says.

But if he wants that, why is he staying with a middle-age couple instead of his parents who can help him when it's time for child care? Is there a good reason, or will this middle-age couple cover for him if you call, and tell you he was there when he wasn't?

If he really means to reconcile, he would have been on your doorstep begging to do what it takes.

Instead, he told you *just enough* to keep you hanging on and not filing for divorce, looking for child support, because now he has it made.

No child support. No legal fees or paperwork. No worries you will meet someone else to be his kids' new daddy, because he has you hanging on and hoping. He can see you and the kids when he wants to see you. Can see her when he wants to see her. Can watch movies all night on TV on nights he doesn't wish to see either of you, and not have kid duties or drama.

It's OK to hope and pray he changes into a good man. But for now, he's a manipulator so work toward securing your future on your own, because there is no guarantee he will change. If you get stronger and he comes around, great.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 9:30 PM, May 1st (Wednesday)]

Rather than with her or his parents, he's staying with a middle-aged couple he works with for a few months.

Do you know that he isn't moving in with OW? I would be suspicious personally.

A lot of WS's get mad when the BS won't let them keep their fantasy going.

Is he saying something like "I need time"... Personally, I wouldn't wait. File for divorce now and force him to choose. That can help clear up his fog quicker. Also, there might be time ramifications that you will have to combat with divorce. Better start it now rather than 6 months from now when he still can't make up his mind.

My wayward didn't "understand" the ramifications until after child support court... Now all of a sudden he wants to go to counseling. Unfortunately, I am not taking the action back unless we got remarried. He doesn't know that yet though.

Yours is playing you. If he really wanted to be with you, he would be there fighting for you and his family. File divorce, file for child support and see how he reacts to that. You can always stop the actions if he proves himself.

Push the fence sitter off the fucking fence.