Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: AutumnGlow (45083)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: What goes up...
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:51 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone...

I made through the night... Had a great evening with my friends and am ready for another NB....

This experience was one of the oddest things I've been through....

I'm fortunate I didn't have too much invested in the relationship... We had a hell of a time while we were together.... When I look back I'll have fond memories but I'll also be on the look out for people who have unresolved issues....

As to her having her ex pop back into her life... I think not...

This really is about her relationship with her grand daughter...

For some back up, her ex completely and totally dominated and verbally abused her son... She's never really forgiven herself for staying married to her ex because of the bullshit her son endured...

Her relationship with her grand daughter is the main driving force in her life... The mother has been throwing a lot of bullshit her way and she's been pretty freaked out about it...

I truly believe that she viewed me as being expendable... The mother of her grand daughter was giving her shit about having a "boyfriend" and her grand daughter thought I was taking away time from her...

Thinking about it... This whole deal is just FUBAR...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
phmh
♀ Member
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WB)))

You are handling this so well. I think in time you will realize that you dodged a huge bullet. There was a ton of her behavior that had been rationalized over the course of the relationship. Proof that neither age nor education makes one mature!

The incident where she hung up the phone on you comes to mind. That's unexcusable behavior in my book, and a very huge sign for how someone deals with conflict or when they don't get their way. As in, I'm not at all shocked that someone who does this would think that a text break-up was a good idea.

I'm glad, however, that you had so many good memories with her, and this was a wonderful, happy time in your life. I look forward to reading about your future adventures, as I think life has much more in store for you!!!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Dec 2011
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 5:42 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

slight t/j - FUBAR! lol - haven't seen that in a while! - end t/j


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5191 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, a little late to the party.

If you recall, when you mentioned her referencing her X all the time, I mentioned my SIL who does that ALL the time as well in your thread. I don't think there is a time when we've been together when Mark's name hasn't come up.

I KNOW it grates on my brother - that he is and will always be the second fiddle to the man who divorced HER. He's starting to eye roll now when his name comes up, which tells me something.

I truly believe one day my bro will snap and it could be the decisive moment in their marriage. It truly saddens me.

Being a lifelong Mac fan myself (best band evar), I too think the songs took her back to perhaps the good, pre-NPD days of her first marriage. My guess is that and the GD issues, especially seeing as how she's being told you are somehow in the middle of her being able to spend time with her were probably the catalyst for this.

Whatthehellever.

The shorts and texting things are so freaking middle school, I struggle to comment on them.

I'll be honest - the EX thing does have me a bit worried, though I can't remember how amicable their relationship is. I know with my SIL with grown children and grand kids, her X is at EVERYTHING and due to her kids being complete f-up's, they speak frequently.

The excuses behind the reasons perhaps?

Maybe so, but I know you know you'll probably never really know the true reason. If she has such a hard time communicating things to you, especially the thought that she's even contemplating a break-up, you know you're much better off without her.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21058 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

but I know you know you'll probably never really know the true reason

AJ... You're completely right with that... I'll never really know the reasons for her actions...

I pretty much learned to ignore the comments about her ex... I'm sure I would have gotten to the eye rolling point at some time in the future...

I actually believed she'd eventually stop mentioning his name but she never even slowed down a bit...

I brought it up a few times and she said she was with him for 25 years and that is the only reference she had... I told her that I didn't bring up my ex's name and she dismissed it with a "so?"

Hey, it was fun while it lasted... I'd say overall it was a good thing for me... I learned a lot and we went on some fun trips together... I learned not to overlook issues... It reinforced my knowledge that in life sometimes there is simply an end to relationships and I can't do anything about it...

I know I'll miss her companionship in many ways but I won't go back...

We almost made it 9 months...

Now, I need to find someone to go to Paul McCartney...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
wildbananas
♀ Member
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me me me!


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15403 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
stretch13
♀ Member
Member # 26894
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i like how a 63 year-old, uptight pediatrician concerned about her professional reputation is calling out and breaking up with her immature, shorts-wearing, pda-pushing "young man".....by text.

irony is fun to chew on. like a now and later.


http://www.facebook.com/hardheadpress
http://www.amazon.com/Eli-Ely-Ezekiel-Tyrus/dp/0986042900/

http://hardheadpress.com/

life must be rich and full of loving--it's no good otherwise, no good at all, for anyone - j. kerouac


Posts: 3929 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: east coast
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i like how a 63 year-old, uptight pediatrician concerned about her professional reputation is calling out and breaking up with her immature, shorts-wearing, pda-pushing "young man".....by text.

I hadn't even thought about the irony of that!....

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Paul McCartney -- I'm in!

Yeah -- the text thing....I'm still flabbergasted by that. I'm glad that you're doing OK today.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8452 | Registered: Apr 2008
turned123
♂ Member
Member # 33663
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB I hope this is all water under the bridge for you and it stays easy! Enjoy the show! Enjoy your friends! and enjoy waking up every day!


me BS 48
her WW 45
married 15 years
divorced
3 wonderful but hurt kids

Posts: 334 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: milwaukee
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ya know... I'm no spring chicken at 53 and I understand we all have issues that adults have but KD doesn't just have "issues" she has "ISSUES"...

I put up with them because I loved the good things about her...

I don't really know who she expects to find that is going to just "fit in" to her world and deal with her ISSUES... Especially at 63...

I was amazed at the way she was so black/white... Her viewpoint, idea or taste is the only right and everyone else is wrong...

There were times I really held my tongue because I knew she'd flip out... There never was any other way than her way...

The next dude will have the same experience I did... He won't stand a chance compared to her ex...

My friends are pissed she did the breakup by text deal... They all couldn't fucking believe it... I introduced her to my unbelievably huge circle of friends and they all liked her a lot but they thought this deal was just crazy...

My friends are all pretty protective of me since the ex's A and the fallout from years ago so when I actually started dating someone they were excited for me... She was around them and they trusted her so they are not happy at all about her treatment of me...

Hell, I'm not pleased with her treatment of me....

But for me it's onward and upward...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
RiotGrrrl
♀ Member
Member # 9046
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to hear this but glad you are handling it so well. Onward and upward indeed!

RG


Me: BS (39)
Him: WS (40)
Married: Six years, D Day 11/8/05
Divorce final: Nov 06
Two gorgeous sons: 10 and 8

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: KY
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First, I was sorry to read your post. You sounded really happy with KD.

Second, at our/your age, a ten year gap isnt anything to really flip out over.
I'm wondering (since I dont know what either of you look like) if her 63 looks older and your 53 looks younger...making the age gap look bigger than it is. If she's vain in that way (and it sounds like the age difference did bug her to some degree) the way you look together probably didnt stroke her ego enough.
Either way, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.

Oh before I forget: How DARE you wear pressed shorts to a concert in 85 degree weather?! (The last Fleetwood Mac concert I went to a few years ago, pretty much everyone was in jeans and tee-shirts). How "immature" of you.

(Insert eye-roll here)

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 2:02 PM, May 3rd (Friday)]


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6462 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell, I'm not pleased with her treatment of me....

this is a lesson for everyone - if someone isn't treating you well you do not have to accept it. I know KD is the one who did the breaking up but you clearly have your head in the right place.

I was so stunned by the text break up that I missed the shorts thing. Seriously what else would you where? I'm impressed they were ironed. I wouldn't have bothered with that. Good on ya.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8452 | Registered: Apr 2008
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gaby...

She doesn't look her age... I'd say she looks a little older than me but not 10 years....

Truthfully, I think her reasons for breaking up are actually excuses... I believe she has a "perfect" image of a guy in her mind and it's a combination of her ex husband and not me ...

I think she wants some trophy kind of guy that will make her ex squirm... I don't make him squirm... I've known him for decades... He's a dick...

Oh and on the Fleetwood Mac show... I actually was one of the best dressed people there...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hexed...

Now that I've had a little time to digest all this I really think the shorts are an excuse...

I really think that she's still so hung up on her ex that she wants to "gig" him in some way... I obviously don't fit that bill for her...

I'm nothing like her ex... I'm just me... I'm not a "doctor" or "lawyer"... I'm a geologist... All she's ever been married to or dated is doctors or lawyers... I'm just not vain enough for her I guess..

Looking back on the relationship... It was good at the time and then when it wasn't for her she went away...

I'm confident I can find a new fun companion to do things with... Till then... I've got my friends...

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
macakipa
♀ Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now, I need to find someone to go to Paul McCartney...

< macakipa is jumping up and down raising her hand...heck both hands! >

I'm confident I can find a new fun companion to do things with... Till then... I've got my friends...

Perfect. You have confidence and in the wise words of Willie Wonka, "Confidence is key.".


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 3:53 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wb - It sounds like you have been spared!

And too, you have good memories of your time with this women.

Much to be grateful for, yes?

[This message edited by luv2swim at 7:41 AM, May 4th (Saturday)]


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 351 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
exhausted lady
♀ Member
Member # 30217
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((WB)))
Sorry to hear that things went south. I feel like I've gotten to know you through this forum, and dude.....you deserve better. And, better is out there. You just keep on being YOU and I'll bet "better" comes along when the time is right.

You've got some good memories that were made during this - hold onto the good memories and let them give you some smiles. You probably also learned a few things as well - hang onto that too.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending good mojo your direction...and lots of hugs too.

Dating at this age is somewhat daunting, but I think you're up to the challenge.


Sometimes the hardest part of finally seeing through someone is accepting what you see...

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to
change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
-Reinhold Neibuhr


Posts: 3168 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Colorado
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry Wondering, I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason and we may never know the reason but it was there. From what I am reading here, this wasn't the best place for you. Being compared too and used to make someone else 'squirm', that is not someone who appreciates YOU. Not being able to voice your thoughts, tastes, feelings because they don't mesh with hers, YOU are not being valued.
You deserve better than this, you are worth it.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
Topic Posts: 82
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.