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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: How do you handle a argument
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We had a argument yesterday . It was a basic husband and wife issue . I asked my WW to do something important and she didn't do it .My WW got really defensive . Its difficult not to bring the A into a argument . Because of the argument there is major anxiety that my WW will contact the om . How do you SIers deal with this ?


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 216 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
ms521
♀ Member
Member # 12008
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have to be able to talk about the A. I'm not saying a BS needs to throw it into the face of the WS every time there's an argument, but the more you talk about the A, the less it will surface DURING an argument that's unrelated. If there's even a remote possibility that your wife would reach out to a FOM just because you two had a fight, then SHE is not doing the work. She needs to find what she needs either from herself or from you. Other men are not an option in a healthy marriage.

How do I handle the fear that WH will talk to OW? I tell him I'm afraid. I give him the opportunity to hear me. One of the things I'm learning in MC is that it's not up to a spouse (WS or BS) to "fix" the other person's feelings, but it is up to them to acknowledge and validate them. It's normal to be afraid of ongoing contact between a WS and their AP. And it is the ongoing job of the WS to hear those fears, validate and reassure, and then do their best to continue to be transparent and prove that NC is ongoing.

(((itsgoingtobeok)))


Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)

I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)


Posts: 429 | Registered: Sep 2006
Jada52
♀ Member
Member # 38984
Default  Posted: 11:33 AM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just don't argue back. He can rant and rave all he wants. I tell him I am not arguing with him about anything and if he can speak to me in a normal tone we can have a discussion, other wise rant to yourself.


Silly Slut, husbands are for wives - get your own man B*tch!

Posts: 114 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 3

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