Except that one year ago today, the man I love most in the world, made plans to take from me, what someone else on this site so eloquently described, my last first.
He was going to be the last person, that I ever had a first time of meeting, falling in love with, making love with. And I was going to be the same. The very last of these so important firsts. I can still claim that he is my last first, but I no longer am his. No, he didnít fall in love I guess I still own that. But he took away that last first meeting. That last first decision to be sexually intimate. That last first sexual encounter. Canít call it making love it wasnít, it was pure sex. Maybe I still own that too. But those last firsts are gone and I can never get them back, no matter what we do in the future. They were stolen from me. And I grieve them with all of my heart.
I cried on him today, when we held each other and prayed. He apologized again and again, and asked God to watch over me today, told me to contact him at any time. I sent him off to work thru my tears. My plans were to keep busy today. My Mom is coming to visit in a couple of weeks and I need to scrub down the entire house. Tonight, we have a wine and chocolate tasting at the museum so weíre going to go do that and try to overlay better memories of this day.
But my heart is weeping blood through a still red scar. And I have only accomplished one thing on my to-do list. Iím forcing myself up to at least take care of one, bloody room.
But one year ago today, my WFH met up with another woman, who is innocent in that he lied to her about his marital status, and he made plans to have sex with her.
I can barely see through my tears.
[This message edited by Skan at 8:18 PM, May 4th, 2013 (Saturday)]
D-Day, June 10, 2012
"People who live in a glass house have to answer the door" -Karl Pilkington
BS:45 WH:47 needhelp123
8yr EA&PA w/MCOW emp/frmr emp
19y M * 25y T, 2 teens
DDay 12/31/12*5w TT
Sick tired sad
I'm glad that this day is over. There are better memories being built today than a year ago.
I'm monitoring the JFT forum inbetween reading, trying to find words of encouragement and practical advice that we were all given, to all of the new people coming here.
What a special human being you are. In the midst of your pain, through the tears, to reach out to someone else to offer them a beacon. WOW!
Thank you. Mr. Skan is damn lucky!
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot
And the rollercoaster rumbles upwards. Last night, tears of sadness and hugs of comfort. Today, we went to a post-session of Retrouvaille, then stopped by PowWow for a few minutes to see some dancing, and then back at home. Our contractor friends just finished for the day, working on our bathroom, and the minute they left, we were chasing each other around the house, him trying to tweak my boobs and me batting at him, which led to us both imitating the T-Rex from Toy Story and batting at each other with short arms, while laughing uncontrollably. Our cat thinks we're weard.
5454real, that's what we do here. Reach out a helping hand to someone else whose hurting. I was blessed by many people reaching out to me when I was incoherent with grief. This site helped save my sanity. My DDay was on a Friday, and on Saturday morning, I had found this site. However, I couldn't post until late Sunday/early Monday due to a problem with my browser, so I read. A lot. And I remember how frustrated I was when I needed someone to reach out to me but I was essentially behind the glass door and unreachable. I don't want anyone to feel like that again.
But the best part and the point, I guess, to this entire post is that if two people are determined to do the work necessary for R, it can happen and even in the midst of pain, there can be happiness. We still have our dips and peaks, but the trend is firmly upward. And that's a very good thing. (((hugs))) to you all.
But the best part and the point, I guess, to this entire post is that if two people are determined to do the work necessary for R, it can happen and even in the midst of pain, there can be happiness.
Whenever I feel like I don't have the strength to believe on my own anymore, I come to SI looking for a post like yours. Someday, I hope to be the one posting about sustained R!
As others have said you inspire me. Thank you for posting so beautifully and eloquently during ALL of your hills and valleys on the trail you are on.
I strive to do this with as much grace as God is showing through you.
God bless you.
God be with all of us.
I'm sincerely happy for you.
My husband and I just returned from a very nice, fun trip from Costa Rica with my 2 brothers and their wives.
Your post made me happy for you....yet it made me a bit sad/angry to think how very stupid our husbands can be when they simply decide "to meet up with some stranger woman to fuck...simply because they can and they want to." UGGG
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
It hurts so, so, so bad, and you should get a medal for turning toward him (and not stabbing him), and so should he, for understanding and accepting what he needs to do to help ypu heal.
Is that bathroom gonna be done before your mom gets there? That's probably not stressful./sarcasm My son and I always have TRex battles like that! lol
Keep hanging in. You are doing really great.