Yet there are times I can barely look at her and everything she says and does irritates me. Is this normal - because it's worrying me.
I think (hope) that this is totally normal! This would happen to me sometimes even before the A's. It's like a wave of irritation washing over me and I feel like if I have to tolerate him for one more minute, I'll snap. Then, it subsides. It happens more when I'm hungry, dehydrated, tired, stressed or in pain.
I was a rock climber pre-serious job and pre-kids. I never thought of this metaphor though, and it's a really good one, so here's my take:
I'm tackling the same route over and over. It's my mission and I'm always climbing it, or resting up so I can attempt it again.
I've mastered some of the first few pitches, so I usually fly through those, although once in awhile, I falter on a move that I thought I had down. That's like August 2011-May 2012 of the A. I understand how it got started and how OW blackmailed WH to continue.
The May pitch is a tough one. I've only made it through a couple of times without falling. WH "tried" to break up with OW by booking a weekend in a luxury hotel and telling her he was going to be too busy with work to see her all summer. He sealed this "break-up" by having sex with her three times. That pitch has a killer overhang.
But, when I make it over the roof, it's smooth climbing because WH was actually able to maintain the "too busy" excuse and didn't see OW until September. In September, he chose to go back to his old office and work with OW on a project. He says he thought it could be just business and that he did not desire her or miss her at all. At first, he made excuses not to hang out with her after work.
But then comes the crux pitch. I've never made it past this one. WH had not seen OW since May. October 2nd was our 13th wedding anniversary, and WH forgot. We laughed it off together. Our marriage had finally been getter better and closer all summer, and I was feeling so hopeful. On October 4th, OW asked WH back to her apartment after work and he went. He claims he did not want to go, but couldn't say no because she would do "something terrible" so he panicked. Of course, they had sex, and the whole sordid thing started up again.
That's my crux for sure because it contradicts WH's A story. He says he knew he didn't want OW and didn't want to cheat, pretty much from the start of the A. But, she was threatening to expose him, or harm herself. He got away from her in May. She did not tell his boss or me or hurt herself or anything. He was free of her.
Then, right after a big reminder of our wedding day when he promised to forsake all others, he went back.
That move is beyond my current skills. I fall every time, and it's a bad fall.
But if I can get past all the rest (not every time, but most times), someday I'm gonna send that October pitch.
Of course, if WH quits his climb, I'm out of here.
As for your wife on the couch, LH, I am so sorry. Maybe you could translate what she said into Wayward-speak: "I am broken inside, so instead of communicating, I'm going to verbally vomit ridiculously immature and f*cked up crap."