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Newest Member: Gladiator5 (45339)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Stuff that normally wouldn't bother me
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out from BFF number 1 that BFF number 2 is thinking if starting up a hot yoga studio... So I'm a little peeved she hasn't told me but I laugh and send her a text "hey, I wanna hear all about your new business plan ". She says yes ill tell you about it! Then i text hubby and say "guess who's starting a hit yoga studio?" No reply. He gets home and says hey I got your text but I already knew that. She came to the bank and talked to one of my guys about a month ago.

So, he's known about this for a month and has asked me several times if he thought hot yoga was trendy and if I thought it would last, all because he wanted to know if his business should fund one of my BFF's business. And I knew nothing..,

I feel betrayed. I cried. I said its like I'm the last one in one a secret. Two people I love know something I don't know, together .. They both have reasons to keep this from me- she doesn't know if it'll fly, he has to protect his customers confidentiality, although he tells me EVERYTHING! About who is filing bankruptcy, etc.

Two years ago I could have cared less. Now, I feel that he had a secret and he used me for information...

This stuff fucks up thinking.

his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

The conditions we face do not define us. They remind us of who we are and who we want to be.

Posts: 5264 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, May 3rd (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it does. Its horrible that I always question what he is saying. I don't always question out loud but I do question.

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would consider this a betrayal. You're supposed to be a team first.

I think they both put you in a bad situation here. Can't he see that?


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17838 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The fact that your H tells you about the bank's customers' personal business is a big problem. He simply shouldn't be doing that. It's probably a symptom of lousy boundaries, and he needs to change that.

It would have been honest for him to say he's got a request for a loan for a new hot yoga business and ask your opinion on it. But he seems to have lousy boundaries, and not saying things that should be said could be part of that....

For me, I'd be upset with some friends if they didn't tell me about their biz plans. Others, not so much.

Sorry this BFF kept you in the dark.

[This message edited by sisoon at 3:16 PM, May 4th (Saturday)]

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10352 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 4

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