So thankful for my BH right now. When he vowed "for better or for worse" I'm sure he had no clue how bad I could be.
[This message edited by sadcamper at 11:34 AM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
If you truly want R then be completely open with your answers. The BS feels as if everything has been decided for them. Everything is out of our control. It's very true what is said here. It's the lies, half truths, and omissions that kill the marriage.
ETA:
(((blackkat))) Just read the result of your telling your BS. I'm so glad that it went well. Yes, telling your BS anything that they want to know helps them feel more in control. Be prepared for more questions or repeat questions. He will want to know that this honesty is not a one time thing, but the way you will be living your live on a daily basis. You had gotten into the habit of lying and protecting yourself. You will need to focus on not falling back into those habits. Although it did not happen for me, I believe that R and an authentic life is possible after betrayal. You can do this.
[This message edited by fallingquickly at 12:11 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
2 Ddays and lots of TT divorcing
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
I am nearly 3 weeks out of full disclosure in writing - and so far it seems to have moved us to a better place. I am aware that it might not last - in fact is unlikely to last and when he triggers - he now has all the details to focus on.
But, so far - so good... for now its a sigh of relief for us both. This nice lull in the storm of life post-A will hopefully give us strength and energy for the next hurricane!!
nofool: Fatalistic much? You're generally against R because, what, it's a no-win situation so why bother?
Thats right. Thats the way I see it. However, I wasn't commenting on whether they should reconcile. I was answering her question. And having been in her husband's shoes, what I thought at the time of my betrayal is more than likely what he is thinking now.
Either she wants to know what a BH might be thinking or she doesn't. And yes, every BH is different. I'm offering one glimpse into his mind of what he possibly might be thinking because I have been there.
I'm simply saying that details won't matter, and even if it hurts more than it helps, if he asks, she owes him the answers. Thats it.
I don't recall telling her her marriage is going to die. Thats up to him and how he handles it.
[This message edited by nofool4u at 4:30 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]
And having been in her husband's shoes, what I thought at the time of my betrayal is more than likely what he is thinking now.
blackcat - I'm glad you gave him all the details and that you are both feeling relief.
There's always failure. And there's always disappointment. And there's always loss. But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums. - Michael J. Fox
[This message edited by nofool4u at 11:46 AM, May 24th (Friday)]
I'm praying for you and your BH. You have finally put your family ahead of yourself - actually ahead of your mind worms. This is the doorway to remorse.
was reading your post from May of this year. How are things now over 3 months later. I hope better
BS- me 59 WS-her 57 LTA--7 yrs. PA&EA with former boss (maybe 10 yrs.?) 1 Daughter 24 - reformed eating disorder left with excessive OCB Dday- March 2012 Confrontation day- 6 wks after d-day Married 25 yrs. I did contact AP's faithful wife and advised her of everything she cannot thank me enough for that. Status: in "R" and finally getting a little better but still an uphill struggle.
