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Newest Member: betterneverlate (44986)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Confronted---kind of
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, last night, he texts me that he is meeting up to study for finals. I don't really respond. When I got home around 1030, he was home. After he fell asleep, I grabbed his phone, because according to cell phone records, he was texting her A LOT minutes before he texted me, and the texts to her ended after that. Here is was I found: She wanted to know where they shoudl meet, and what he wanted to do. She said it doesnt matter what adventure they go on, as she is a spontaneous girl. He said "I like that". Then she told him not to get too dressed up as she was just wearing yoga pants and a tank top. She wanted to know if he wanted to just sit in his car and listen to music, or if they wanted to go anywhere, and she would give him gas money. She told him she bears gift. and she can't drive because she was high. So....so much for studying.

I "kind of" confronted him this morning....through text. I don't even care. I told him I know he has been up to no good, "studying" wiht another girl under the guise of studying, and he was free to do whatever the hell he wants as was I. he respnoded with some crap of "I was studying, blah blah blah" and he promises things will go back to normal after finals. I told him basically to screw himself, that I now he's been unfaithful, only God knows how long he's gotten away with it, he opened the door, and she is eagerly accepting the invitation. I told him cut the crap, and for ONCE be honest. I told him this was my dealbreaker, and its a risk he took and lost. Of course, he responded, begging me to belive him, that he is not cheating. I choose to ignore. I will not be home today. I do not want to see him. I will gladly tell him I saw the texts, he can get pissed all he wants, I don't even give a shit anymore. I will show him the pictures of the texts that I have.

I am so fucking livid right now.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's good you took pictures of the texts. He might still deny but he will know he's been discovered.
It amazes me that they lie even when faced with the proof. Maybe yours will come clean.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Happydays
♂ Member
Member # 38681
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will gladly tell him I saw the texts, he can get pissed all he wants

If he doesn't know you are snooping around with his phone, then IMO let it be. Don't tell him. You'll discover more defence texts from them. Their plan, whether they have taken it underground etc.


BH 33
FWW 32
DS: 3 year old.
Dday 10/14/2012
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.

Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happydays, he wont have to take it underground. He can be with her. This isn't a fight to keep this relationship. I have no reason to "snoop" anymore, as I am done with him, and he can go be with her.

He is begging me to believe him. I am ignoring all of his texts...


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
SoyLatte
♀ Member
Member # 37634
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go girl! I am living vicariously through you...congrats on taking decisive action.


Me: BS, 50
Him: WH, 49, serial cheater and compulsive liar, possible SA and NPD
Married 17 years, together 26
3 kids: 10, 13, and 15
Was afraid to confront while overseas, now home safely and can decide next step

Posts: 250 | Registered: Nov 2012
BaldwinBeauty59
♀ Member
Member # 35507
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know the truth and you know he is still lying. You know that you are nobody's fool! Now show him so he will know too. Kickass girlfriend!!!!


Me - BW (53)
Him - WH (56)
OW - skanky whore coworker
Married 33 years
DDay1 8/10/11
DDay2 8/15/11
DDay3 8/28/11
2 grown children
Status - in R

Posts: 978 | Registered: May 2012
isadora
♀ Member
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've drawn your line in the sand. Stick to it. Let your anger drive you for now. We're here for you when the anger ebbs. Make sure you drink plenty of water, eat and sleep.


Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 10 yrs
4 children: DDs 6&4; DSs 2& baby
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.


Posts: 4506 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
AppleBlossom
♀ Member
Member # 38541
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, FM. Clearly he can fool you no longer. You have known for a long time that something was going on, and whether or not they were really studying, in his car, with music with her being high, it was an inappropriate relationship that he did not tell you about.

You seem like a hard working, independent woman. I know you are worried about your child, and I understand that she will be angry at you for a little while. But that is okay, she will be angry and you will let her express her anger in a safe and loving environment and she will never stop loving you. When she is older you may or may not choose to tell her what happened, and she will thank you for being a strong woman.

I know you are angry and that is a good thing. There may well be dark days, but you know you have done the right thing.

Keep the silence going. Stay strong.


Posts: 154 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Australia
wastoosoft
♀ New Member
Member # 39176
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Keep strong with whatever decision you take, truth is what you deserve, do they really believe we are such idiots. It amazes me how they can deny anything is wrong when the evidence is there.


Me - BW (48)
Him - WH (51)
M - 16 yrs together 20 yrs
D Day - 27-12-12
OW - LeeAnn
2 Kids - 28 & 17
Seperated - 29-12-12 (great way to spend the new year)
NC with me but contacts son once in a blue moon

Posts: 11 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Goole
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, May 4th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you're truly done, then let the chips fall where they may and go ahead and show him the texts. If you have any hesitation at all, or think that you might, don't show him the texts. Just look at him flatly and say, "did you think that nobody saw you?" and let him believe that someone told you. You may want to keep monitoring his phone if you have any hesitation at all.

Be strong! You are worth SO much more than this bull!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4811 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Foolme1
♀ Member
Member # 38606
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all to the responses.

A lot has happened since this morning. So, I have a hard time with confrontation I general. I break down, choke up, stutter, forget my train of thought, etc. so that was why I initially texted him.

After giving him crickets, he called me after a few hours. I ignored the call. I drove around with dd for awhile only because I did not want to be home...honestly, I was avoiding confrontation. My dd started crying that she wanted her daddy so, I took her home to spend time with her daddy. He was here, and wanted to know what was going on. I calmly and firmly told him that this was not a conversation that I was having in front of dd as she is very bright. I was only home for 30 mins. As I was leaving, I told dd to give her daddy a kiss and he immediately said "are you going to too?" I told him no. He then stated that I haven't told him that I love him in a week and he wantedto know if I did. I told him again, this was not a conversation I was having in front of dd. as I closed the door he told me he loved me.

So, I texted him. Just point blank asked him who ow was by name and told him don't lie cause I already know who she is. She's a classmate he said. So I called him out. Told him he can get pissed all he wants, but I have been checking his phone while he sleeps. I repeated every incriminating text word by word to him. Told him this crossed a boundary and was not something I would accept anymore. Long story short, he insists nothing happened. She's older than him, yes she flirts with him but his words were bullshit words. He would never hurt me on purpose etc. I told him I do not believe him. That not only has he betrayed me, but he's betrayed dd. he said he admits the texts look bad and that his responses were inappropriate, but he said he didn't delet anything bc he didn't think there was anything had to see. So then I asked him why he denies me. Denies my existence. Never got a response. He admitted other things that I never confronted him about. Like how people buy him gifts as a thank you for tutoring, etc.

I ended it by telling him I have no words for him. That I could spend hours going in circles asking why but in the end none of it mattered. That he knows what he's done was wrong. He now knows how I feel about it. And I'm not happy and cannot support him anymore through medical school (not financially, he has income from the military disability that he gives me). I told him I do not trust him and don't think I ever will and that it's not fair to either of us to stay in this relationship. He again replied with apologies.

He's flirtatious by nature. And I cannot be with a guy whose flirtatious. I just can't. I just came home. He's here. Stayed here all night hanging out with a friend. I'm just tired. I didn't acknowledge him or his friend. I'm just tired.


BGF-me (31)-devoted girlfriend
xBF-him (30)-manipulative cheater
One beautiful dd. 14 years together (off and on). Married for 8 years, divorced, then "dating" for 3 more years.

Posts: 115 | Registered: Mar 2013
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure if you're married or not, if you own the home or are renting. In any case, I would think that it's time to tell him that he needs to move out and get his own place. You'll be able to think a lot clearer without him in the house. And make an appointment with a lawyer to see about CS. If you have any co-mingled funds, bank accounts and/or credit cards, you'll want to separate them, setup your own separate accounts, and cancel any joint accounts that you have. (((hugs)))


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4811 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
HURTAGAIN1981
♀ Member
Member # 35178
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly admire you for your strength and standing up for yourself regarding what you will not put up with. The stuff my bf did was so much more than what you found he was up to and I still stayed. Not anymore though.

You sound amazing. You, I and all of us here can do without having to put up with this kind of shit from anyone!


Posts: 296 | Registered: Mar 2012
Topic Posts: 13

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