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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fishing season.
freelancer
♀ Member
Member # 36529
Shocked  Posted: 7:28 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sick over this this morning.

I got a text from WH (he is traveling for work and won't be home for another 4 weeks) that he got a text from OW#1 while he was sleeping. I asked him to send me a screen shot of it, and he did.

"I still love you"

He hasn't responded, and says that he wont, but this is making me physically ill. When the text was sent (she is West Coast, we are East Coast) it was still yesterday for her. Apparently, they met 2 years ago yesterday. So, we are officially in affair season.

I told him that his two choices are to change his number (my first preference) or block her number (which isn't as effective). He pointed out that even if he changes his number, she could still get it since her brother (WH's subordinate) still works with him and would have access to the new number.

So, we are kind of at a stalemate this morning. I feel his first priority should be to protect me and his family and his biggest concern with changing his number all relates to work. Don't even get me started on how his job is like an OW...


Me: BS, 34
Him: WH, 34
2 beautiful babies, 6 and 3, HB baby due 06/2014
DD1: 7/1/2012
OW#1: EA/PA for 14 months
OW#2: PA for 1.5 months
DD2: 9/17/2013 Back at it with OW#1 for 4 weeks.

Posts: 238 | Registered: Aug 2012
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think one of the most difficult aspects about life after you discover WS's A is that you have to accept that you have no control over WS or OW. You can only decide what your boundaries are & what the consequences will be if they cross them.
It is good that he told you about it right away.
Did he ever send her a NC letter?
You can always send OW notice that you will get a restraining order against her if she attempts any more contact.

(((freelancer)))

[This message edited by mchercheur at 8:44 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1403 | Registered: Dec 2012
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I asked him to send me a screen shot of it, and he did.
"I still love you"
He hasn't responded, and says that he wont

It sounds like your WH did exactly the right thing. Good for him.

Please don't let this upset you. My take; this is actually a good thing. The fishing trip tells you that NC has been maintained and your WH is no longer interested in the OW.

The best response is to maintain NC. Saying nothing sends a message to the OW that you're not even worth my time to respond. No need for you or your WH to make any changes. Let the OW choke on silence.

In my case, the OM always went fishing on Mother's day for a couple years after D-day. That was the day their EA turned PA. My fWW did the same as your WH, she would let me know and I would just delete the message. We never responded and the fishing trips ended about 3 years ago.

Make sure you let your WH know he did the right thing and you do understand he as no control over the actions of the OW. Just make this a non-event.

So sorry you have to go through this.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5697 | Registered: Aug 2007
30Rocked
♀ New Member
Member # 38781
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does WH object to blocking her number? If not, I think he should. He's passed this test...why risk another one...block her number on a high note.

Posts: 36 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: 30Rocked
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gross. Just gross.

Upside is that he told you immediately, but I know that's a small consolation right now.

(((freelancer)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17917 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is very upsetting. Take your time and be gentle with your feelings.

It's good that he didn't answer and he won't. Nothing sends a clearer message to her that he has better things to do with his time.

I hope that your H will talk to you as much as you need today and for the rest of the four weeks. I hope in the end you two will feel even closer and safer together.

(((hugs)))


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3913 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Undone1
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah for your WH but so sorry you have to go thru this pain. I know my anxiety level would be thru the roof...do something nice for yourself and go out with good girl friends!


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it speaks volumes that your FWH informed you about the text message, forwarded it to you, and did not respond to it. It must have been sickening for you, but think what it says about your husband.

That said, he should definitely block her number.

I'm on the alert for my FWH's OW to go fishing in the next month or two--important A anniversaries are looming. I hope my FWH handles himself as well as yours if OW does try to break NC.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 8

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