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Newest Member: BrokenFuture (44249)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: would you want to know
Itsgoingtobeok
♂ Member
Member # 37664
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like a lot of SIers there has been several D day's . I'm in the same boat so I want to know if you ask question about past D day's or do you only ask about the current D day ? My WW has answered my question about the current D day but very little about past A . Would you want to know ?


BS-(52)
WS-49
married 28 yrs
Kid's -2
A- several
DD- 12-10-12
Starting recovery

"I don't understand the world today I don't understand what she needs I gave her everything she threw it all away" tom petty


Posts: 214 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Los Angeles
Rebreather
♀ Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I sure would. I believe it all needs to come in out in order to successfully reconcile. And that failure to adequately address previous affairs partly led to another. So, that would be a pretty major requirement for me to keep working on the relationship.

So sorry you are in that situation though. Yuck.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
Sal1995
♂ Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely, we deserve to know everything that's happened in our marriages. I asked about earlier affairs, ONS's, whether all four children were mine, you name it. My wife's answers, and the way she answered, convinced me that I was dealing with just one affair (LTA, though). It's important to know whether you are dealing with a fallen women who went off the rails one time, or a serial cheater who cannot or will not control her behavior without intensive IC.

Knowledge is power.

Sorry you find yourself in this situation, hang in there.


Me-45
WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, together 19+
4 children

Reconciling


Posts: 1325 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
catlover50
♀ Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That was one of my polygraph questions: have you had sexual relations with any other women that I am not aware of? I have been glad to know.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1700 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your WS's life needs to be an open book. Coming clean is the number 1 thing a WS can do to start rebuilding trust.

Not answering questions is being untruthful and dishonest by omission, and you can't R with a dishonest person - and a WS can't become a decent partner if she's not being honest.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:18 AM, May 5th (Sunday)]


fBH (me) - 65+, fWW (her) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 9753 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
njgal480
♀ Member
Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, May 5th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The more honest and open the WS is -the easier it is to believe what they say.

I needed to know everything.

And I also asked questions about whether or not this was the only OW etc.

The more questions he was willing to answer the more I began to believe him.

I needed to know everything before I could decide on R.


Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA
Reconciled.


Posts: 3151 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
Topic Posts: 6

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