[This message edited by notsure418 at 8:23 PM, May 6th (Monday)]
I am on my way out, but I want to impress one thing upon you.....you did not cause her to cheat, you did not "drive her to cheat." Cheating is a choice, she owns her own actions. There are always other options, communication, separation, counseling.
Have you checked phone records or other accounts to verify your suspicions?
IMO, it is always a good thing to expose the affair to the OM wife (the best way to end an A), but I would not do it unless I had undeniable proof, hard evidence.
Keep in mind cheaters lie and lie and lie. Even if you confront her, pretty much she will deny.
Others will be along shortly, weekends a bit slow.
In the meantime, take care of yourself as best as you can.
This is the right place to come to get support and advice for your situation. We have all been swimming in the same sea, so please take your time here.
In the time I have been here on SI, I don't believe I have ever heard of anyone who, when asking the WS if they are cheating, have had the reply, 'yes'.
Gather all the information you can, and most certainly 'out' your WGF to the OM's wife, but be sure you have evidence that is irrefutable before you do. I have heard many here say that this is essential, so that those in the A cannot turn it on you and say that YOU are lying/mad/making it up.
While you cannot think of anything else for a single moment right now, you need to take care of your physical well being.
Don't let your GF make you think that you have any responsobility for the choices SHE has made. This is most emphatically NOT YOUR FAULT.
Everything we do as humans is a conscious choice. She chose to cheat, she chooses to lie about it and she chooses to cover it up.
YOU should choose to protect yourself.
I would also like to speak on the digging that you are doing on yourself. This is okay. To dig deep and look inward on your own faults in the relationship, separate of the A, is growth and that's good for you. DO NOT view these insights as things that "drove" your WGF to cheat because that is complete bullshit. Being broken, selfish, having weak boundaries, coping mechanisms and many other things are catalysts for Ws to cheat, NOT SOMETHING YOU did. There are a million other far better options than cheating.
"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back up"
[This message edited by notsure418 at 8:19 PM, May 6th (Monday)]
Since your phone call to your WGF I would bet the house that they are already in panic mode and have come up with "answer" to whatever you have. Still, doesn't matter. I kind of want to hear what bullshit story they will come up with.
Yes, expose to the OM wife. She deserves to know. As others have already pointed out, do not tell your WGF you are going to do this. Just do it. Tomorrow.
When you contact her tell her you have evidence and offer to share it with her.
[This message edited by notsure418 at 8:18 PM, May 6th (Monday)]
Did you expose or was the letter written to expose?
but I feel so much guilt for what I did.
I wouldn't give a second thought.