"I can fill the flask up, but can't get past us
I'm in the storm, staying strong, but can't get back up"
Just remember this is not your fault. It is his bad choice.
You are a wonderful person and need to take care of YOU>
I know that talking to a therapist does help. He/she can give you some perspective.
I still cannot believe I ever even lived through last year.
It was a good day for me if I walked the dogs. And a better one if I managed to do laundry or even empty the dishwasher.
Do not put any pressure on yourself. Just do what you must.
Look for supportive family, friends and make a plan.
I walked the earth like a person without senses for at least two months and the grief has been so consuming it has been hard to get out of the blankets.
One of the things I did was to search very hard for any thing in the world that could give me comfort. Sometimes I didn't realize that I could be comforted at all, but very, very slowly made myself admit that something made me feel nice.
I clung to that feeling and then when I had to do something else, clung to the realization that I felt nice or ok without STBXH anywhere around. It was really, really small things...like a shower or caring that I changed my clothes or that I prepared dinner for my daughter and she ate it.
Sometimes it was any successful thing I did, like a chore. Those are good because there is a definite start and end and at the end of the day, it is a show of actual time spent doing something.
I also made lists, but differntly than before and when I looked back at them at bedtime, I had actual accomplishments.
There are other very root or very, very basic ways of living things that I've done that I will share if you like. Some are things people told me and some my own minute successes and the only things that got me up on mornings that just wouldn't stop coming.
I still have the periods where I seek sleep at any time of day, if I can. I've been told it's the depression and thinking we can escape that way. But when we wake up, reality is still our companion.
I wish you calmness and am sorry for your sadness.
When I got the sick feeling in my stomach, I would drink unflavored soda, or sometimes water, very slowly. And I would pay really close attention to my breathing and try to see if I was breathing all the way out because I tend to take shallow breaths that make the tightness worse.
I hope anything will start to help.
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge
The emotional upheaval is immense, there is no doubt about that, but slowly with time things will get a little better progressively. Things like housework are inconsequential, don't sweat them. What is important is YOU so concentrate on getting what sleep you can, as well as feeding and watering yourself. Allow yourself to cry when you need to, and vent either to trusted people, or us here, when you want to. If you can read or watch some movies, anything to get your mind off stuff for a while, then do so. Be assured what you are feeling is "normal" for what you are going through, and it WILL get better.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel, just pray it's not a train.
One day at a time, one hour at a time, don't think about tomorrow (hard to do), just get through today.
When I was really sad or angry, I used to go for a drive and cry, wail, scream, just to release the pent-up emotions. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel a bit better.
Have you spoken with a doctor about temporary meds? Many of us here have taken them just to help us cope, they will not erase the pain but the meds will allow you to have a bit more clarity and help you sleep if you need.
One of the few things I can do is shower, smoke and eat. I feel guilty that the house is a mess but I try not to sweat on it like others said.
Last night I got a movie, Silver Linings Playbook and it brought me into a great mood. The movie is great and it talks about adultery and recovering from it. It brought some hope of a better future and happy ending.
Like you I don't know how I would have survived the past week without this forum. Reading the stories from others going on the same situation as mine makes me feel that I'm not alone and the help we get here is beyond amazing.