Still, neither of us know what to do for that day.
Any suggestions? Anything anyone did to at least acknowledge the day? Is it going to be too painful for me? Although I already think of that marriage as over. No way am I going back to that. So I don't know.
Anyway, this worked for me. Other people make big deals of their 1st pots-D-Day anniversary, and that works for them.
This is a very personal thing. Do what you want. See how it feels. Adjust as appropriate. If you're not sure, flip a coin - it'll probably work out pretty well.
Think along the lines of a simple picnic at a nice park.
We went to see a show, walked around, and spent the night at a hotel. It was nice. It felt like, by changing locations, we were taking a vacation from everything A related.
Not to say I didn't have some sad moments, I did, but it was a good break from the stress of everyday life.
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz
I suppose it depends on how you're feeling about about your WH, your M and your future.
Our first anniversary was 12 months after my final dday. I was determined to make it a good one as was my H.
The anniversary before, I knew H had engaged in an EA at minimum but my gut was screaming PA at me even though my H swore black n blue that it never got physical. I felt ill that anniversary and the feeling remained for a few days after so, I decided to call the OW and ask her if it was a PA. She confirmed it had been and my H came clean finally!
I guess it helped that my H had ended the A a couple of weeks prior to that anniversary and the gifts I got screamed guilt and regret. His heart was with me that anniversary as he'd already had gone NC and was beginning to come out of the fog.
So come the next anniversary I felt much better. I felt better that our M was in a healthier place than the previous year because now the truth was out. We had spent the whole year riding the R roller coaster. Even though it was a difficult and extremely painful year, I felt positive. I was feeling good because the truth was out and we were both committed to working towards R (even if we got it wrong sometimes).
The A shook us both up and made us realise how much we loved each other and how important we were in each others lives.
We went away for the weekend alone. We wrote each other letters explaining how we felt about each other and our past and future. We wrote new vows and read them to each other (although I pretty much reinforced my original vows). We each had the others wedding bands engraved and shared those words as we replaced the ring back on each others fingers. My H surprised me by framing a picture of him and I that I really love.
It was a special weekend. We felt closer than ever before. I am still glad we did it.
I feel like our anniversary is OURS. No one can take it from us. My H may have broken his vows but I wasn't going to let the OW take anything else from me. My H is exactly that....MY H!
He betrayed me and hurt me in a way I could never have imagined possible. But, he also begun making the changes and showing the remorse I needed to see. I wanted us to re commit to each other. I wanted us to prove that out love can overcome the worst. I promised to love my H through better or worse and as I told the OW, I meant what I said.
Our marriage wasn't a lie. We have 24 years of history together. That can't be faked. H f**ked up in the worst way but we are working hard on our M and on ourselves as individuals. We didnt give up even when it seemed the easiest way out. That is something to be proud of in my book.
I look forward to celebrating our next anniversary too. To once again see how far we've come and celebrate that too. Our marriage was never healthy IMO. We are finally on the right track and although the dips still get the better of us sometimes, I am proud of where we are today.
Good luck and all the best for your anniversary.
I want to do something completely different.
I don't know why I'm so worried, except that for the past few years with all that was going on that I didn't know about, and nothing was right or good enough, I keep expecting that feeling to prevail.
Maybe I'm overthinking it.
Instead, we've decided that we're going to celebreate the 14th of June. That's the 1 year anniversary of us going to our first MC session. It was actually my FWHs idea and I like it a lot. This will be our new year 1.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
We tthen decided to choose another day and that just irritated me no end because then I became angry thinking OW took the good years and left me with this crapfest of memories and a fake anniversary.
So this year... IDK. I hope I am strong enough now to move past the shit he pulled on our anniversary after the A had ended/ pre-DD that will keep me stuck forever in the A or I hope I continue to believe there is something worth saving and keep trying, letting go of the bad stuff and finding love and joy in the moment.
[This message edited by sisoon at 5:42 PM, May 10th (Friday)]