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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need advice Please
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On February 1, I received a NC letter which I have honored. I am doing my work, and really trying to move past this painful experience, learn and grow and be a better person.

On Easter Sunday, the AP BW reached out and started harassing me via text. I requested that she stop contacting me. She contacted me a few more times that evening and I ignored. The Tuesday following that, I received another text, with a veiled threat regarding the release of a NSFW picture she has of me. I ignored that text as well.

Well, sure enough this Saturday I got another one, with another taunting type of message. I need this to stop. She is ignoring my requests, while I have honored hers. All it does is reopen the wound and take me right back to square 1 and keeps him present in my mind.

I have considered writing her an email, with copies of the texts, and cc'ing my former AP and requesting that the texts stop immediately. She has also been emailing my BH and he has been deleting those recently. Is that enough, or do you think I should contact an attorney with a cease and desist letter.

I am empathetic to the pain I have caused a lot of people in this, and I know she is hurting and lashing out, but this isn't helping her either.

Thoughts on how to best handle this?

Thanks....


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
losingmyground
♀ Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing that may help is taking time to answer her questions and give a sincere apology. You owe her that much. I know that was all I was looking for when I contacted my FWH's MOW. I never got it and then left her alone.

You can think about getting a lawyer involved. If you want to take it that far.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My AP's BW contacted me several times after their D-day and my own. She had questions, I answered them honestly. My AP was still lying to her at the time so from what I gathered that ended the TT for her because he was afraid of not coming completely clean. I had the opportunity to offer a sincere apology. I have no idea if my apology helped her in any way but it helped me that I was able to give one. I still had some things I was lying about and came clean of the last bit which upset her and my BH quite a bit. After that she requested no further contact which we have both honored for nearly a year now.

Maybe you should try to find out what she is looking for and give it to her with as much kindness as possible?

[This message edited by knightsbff at 10:15 AM, May 6th (Monday)]


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losing my ground - I have done that. I spent 3 hours with her on New Year's Eve answering questions and trying to make sense of it for her. Granted, I was still in my fog, and I wasn't 100% truthful, and I did apologize for that a few days later. I felt without compromising what he had told her, I was giving a more accurate picture of what our relationship had been (or thought it was in my fantasy land).

These texts are just her pain manifesting themselves, and no doubt trying to hurt me, and cause me pain as I have done to her. As I said, I have been trying to be understanding, but when you start threatening an action that could affect the custody of my child, it is enough.

I would prefer not to get a lawyer involved, but asking her directly has not stopped her, and I know that the AP doesn't know she is doing this. I figured by pulling him in, it might help. I am sure this isn't good for their efforts at reconciliation either.


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The texts are not about wanting to talk or get answers, it is about calling me names, and letting me know that I am nothing. Which is why after my request for no contact, I have ignored them.

But at this point, it isn't doing anybody any good to keep in contact with me for this reason.

[This message edited by WWMEH13 at 10:18 AM, May 6th (Monday)]


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
Long Gone
♂ Member
Member # 32587
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Block her texts, change your number and email....

or am i missing something...


D-Day 11/26/10

Posts: 766 | Registered: Jun 2011
floridaredman
♂ Member
Member # 15122
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would write her an email apologizing for the damage that was caused. I would also tell her that I would be willing to answer her questions if she is willing to be cooperative. If not then I would suggest getting a RO (restraining order) against any communication from her because of the threats.

It is understandable that she is angry and hurt. However DONOT CC the AP. Cease all communication with him whatsoever.


The simplest thing can be the hardest thing to do....FRM

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Florida
losingmyground
♀ Member
Member # 36070
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DO NOT contact her husband. Hell have no furry like a woman scorned.

Talk to the police and start filing reports. That is your only out.


Married 13 yrs
3 kids 13, 10 & 1
I'm 34
FWH 37
Affair lasted 6 months
Ended 09/2011
Found out 06/2012
My father died during the affair
In the middle of Reconcilliation

Posts: 291 | Registered: Jul 2012
WWMEH13
♀ Member
Member # 38722
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I will not send the email and cc the AP. I will contact my attorney for a cease and desist letter.


WW - 38
BH - 38
EA/PA - 8 months
Married 4 years together 7
2 Ddays, same AP last one in December 2012
NC - 2/1/2013
DS - 2 years old

Status - Divorcing


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: USA
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, May 6th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

block her number as well.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5846 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 10

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