silentlyscreamin
It gets So. Much. Better! This I promise you! The thing is, in the beginning it's hard to see, because there is so much of the unknown. But like the wind, just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. There is a great future ahead for you, but you have to give up your idea of the past and what your future was 'suppose' to look like for it to happen. It will be a new normal. It is a journey, there are growing pains for sure and there are times where it's painful and scary. But there are also incredible moments of joy, self discovery, love and so, so much more. You finally get to a place where you realize, wow. I am so much happier now. And you will also discover how not alone you are. People will come out of the woodwork to share stories, support and more. It may surprise you!
What people have already stated is correct. A new beginning isn't always or just about a new relationship. It's about a new lease on life.
I'll share with you a bit of my story since you want some :)
I met what I 'thought' was the love of my life at 22, was married at 25. We were living in Florida and after 3.5 years of marriage we moved back to our home town for a new job I had gotten. 4 months later, I got laid off (love the economy!) and a month after that I caught him cheating on me, red handed, with his 21 year old employee. We tried to work on our marriage all summer but he couldn't end the affair.
I. Was. DEVASTATED. I tried to make the marriage work, and even though I knew he'd never stop cheating, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him and giving up the idea of what I had for my future - a house, kids the whole thing. I felt I lost everything I cared about - moved jobs, friends, lost my career and my husband in a handful of months. I was turning 30 and thought - he's already moved onto a younger woman. Women my age in my home state already had 3 kids by then, who's gonna want someone like me now?
At 30 I had to move back in with my parents, with no job. I had to live there for almost 9 months. I felt like my life was going nowhere and that it would never get better.
I was so distraught that no one would ever love me again and that I'd never get to have a family. But it was too painful to stay, so I had to leave. I didn't think I'd ever get better.
2 years later. Here I am. I spent 2 years of that time single. But here's what I grew to find out - single was something I had to get use to yes, but I no longer CARE about being in 'that one' relationship. I think it will happen one day, but that's no longer my focus. You want to know why? My life is So. Much. Better. And I'm happy with ME!
I moved to New York City about 1.5 years ago (2 months post D). I traveled the world, I saw Europe, and spent a month in Paris. I got a new job and have a completely new career path. I realized who my true friends are from before during and after the divorce. While I did lose some friends, the majority of my friendships became stronger, as did my relationship with my family.
My career is back on track and I'm on a path that wouldn't have been possible had I stayed in my home state or with a jealous husband. i have met some INCREDIBLE people. Had I not left XH, I never would have met some of the best friends I have ever come to know. The experiences I've had are incredible. The independence I've gained has been incredible. I've picked up new hobbies - like running! And so much more. I surprised myself by how much I could do and how strong I really am.
None of this would've been possible had I stayed with my X. Now, that life wouldn't have been a bad life, but my life right now is So. Much. Better. I am confident, independent, so damn proud of myself, more sympathetic to others, a better friend and just more well rounded person. In fact, when I do settle down with someone, I will be more of a complete person and know who I am better than I could have before hand.
The life I have now wasn't even on my radar pre-infidelity and thank God I didn't miss out on it! Now, the pain of infidelity and the divorce were bad, yes. And there are times I do still think and miss of him and wonder what our life would be like, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for the world. I can honestly say now I am happier now than I ever was in my marriage and probably happier now than I could've ever pictured before. Because the life I have now is completely 100% the life I want to have. I'm true to myself and I am creating and living the life I want to have - not one that he or anyone else wants for me, but just one that makes ME happy. That is priceless.
There's something about going through this pain that makes you feel indestructible in a way and therefore, you're willing to throw caution to the wind and just embrace life, because, screw it, why not? It's a freedom that I've come to love. I use to plan everything and now I don't plan at all. I love the surprising path my life has taken as a result.
As a side note - I also started seeing someone rather seriously. I dont know where it will end up, but that's ok. I'm happy now and still lovable at the end of the day :) And I will say this, there was a moment when I was in bed with this new guy and, well, afterwards I remember thinking "OMG, thank GOD I got divorced or I never would've experienced THAT! That alone was worth it!"
hahaha. I'm just telling you - even the people you meet and date and end up spending your valuable time with are better. Every area gets BETTER.
So you see - there is a GREAT future ahead of you. I think going through a D can help speed up the healing of infidelity at times because it brings you towards closure, you finally know what direction you're heading in. Once I made the decision to D, the healing could happen.
I'm not saying you should D, and I don't know what life will look like for you on the other side, but I can tell you there are a lot of positive stories about moving on. I'm one of them.
A lot of it is about perspective and attitude and 'faking it til you make it'. It will be hard, but there is a great, wonderful light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you that.
Good luck and lots of love!
[This message edited by Confused1829 at 10:28 PM, May 7th (Tuesday)]