Yeah...totally get where you are.
I think today that I recognize I'm triggering over Mother's Day.
Then I feel guilty. I have great kids. My Mom is still alive and I have plans for the day.
But, dammit...I *miss* being spoiled on that day. I miss the years of huge deals being made on Mother's Day, fancy brunch somewhere, my kids all dressed up, gifts, a day just to me.
I have so much to be thankful for, I feel guilty for missing those days. THEN I think about Father's Day being right around the corner. Last year, STBX couldn't be bothered to show for Father's Day...so it wasn't so bad. This year he says he wants them, and my Dad has passed...so I will probably be alone on Father's Day.
It's my D-day season too. OH, and STBX is getting to celebrate graduating with his PhD this weekend. I supported him through college, his Masters, all the sacrificing and moving and starting his doctorate....blah, blah, blah...
I'm feeling whiny too.
I KNOW I'm triggering and just trying to keep focusing on what I have that is so good in my life.
I've been "weaning off" my IC and haven't gone in 6 weeks, I called and made an appointment for later this week to check in.
((care)))me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings