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Newest Member: ThomasD (45459)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm trying...
♀ Member
Member # 38438
Default  Posted: 10:27 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And in rereading what you wrote about negativity prior, your response to TG makes more sense now. Perhaps I am projecting some of my own frustration at what Messedupchick wrote about the lack of digging from you when something is put to you.

We all learning.

“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
― James Baldwin

Posts: 283 | Registered: Feb 2013
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I get that indifference may not have seemed like a obvious goal. Often doesn't. If you are indifferent, then your AP is taking up literally no head or heart space for you. This is why it is actually a better place than negative feelings, and obviously feelings of still loving him or feeling fond of him.

How are you doing?

Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5094 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, May 14th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever bad is said of the other person, can't the same be said for us? Are we any less of a scumbag? Do we always want to be thought of that way?

Unfortunately I am beginning to realize what a scumbag I am. Not a fun revelation. I took the easy path (blame husband and seek external fulfillment) instead of the right one (have a very difficult conversation about our M).

Can I offer my perspective, briefly, about telling your H? Currently I'm divided between wishing mine had never found out, and gratitude that it forced me to admit my feelings to him. Wishing he'd never found out, because my betrayal hurt him so deeply. Gratitude, because I have faith that we will come out closer and stronger than ever.

On the indifference topic: yes, I have evolved (since yesterday! LOL) and no longer think harboring ill will toward former AP is healthy. Others (in this thread I think and elsewhere) have wisely said replacing affection with disdain grants the former AP too much head/heart space. Yesterday (in midst of tough conversation with H) I was relieved to realize I didn't have to suppress an urge to reach out to former AP, because I genuinely didn't have the urge. Reconnecting with H has obviated that former need.

Trying to be succinct because I don't want to hijack your thread. At some point I may start one myself, but I can't yet. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your experiences.

fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
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