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User Topic: Suggestions for testing kids for paternity
hatefulnow
♂ Member
Member # 35603
Default  Posted: 3:52 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You could speak to your family doctor about it. Bring the kids in for a general physical and have him do it as part of the "screening" process. It is important to do. God forbid one of the kids needs a transplant or something. There would be a whole side to their family (biological) that would be needed as possible donors.

I faced this scenario too. I told the truth to the kids. Why? Because I was "hateful now" and I didn't care what my wife felt or thought and I felt the kids knowing what mommy had done would 'serve her rignt'. Affairs have consequences after all. That was one of them. As for my motivations, it wasn't my proudest moment. At the time my wife was still in martyr mode. She was foggy, not having learned yet what a POS the POSOM is. She wanted to be with her 'soul mate', but would stay with me out of her duty as a mother.

Having to tell the kids why was part of the ice cold water she needed to wake up. The looks on their faces still haunt her. They lost almost total respect for her and she had to work super hard to win it back. This meant she had to work super hard to win me back too. The rest of the
cold water was POSOM reaction when she told him what I had planned. He was scared shit that if he was the sperm donor he'd be hit up for paternity money. When he learned the kids were mine, Mr. Wonderful wanted nothing at all more to do with my WW as he had dodged a bullet. She was actually shocked that he didn't give a damn that I would have kicked her out in the frame of mind I was in. Now she really put the work in, trying to save her ass.

I don't regret being honest with my kids, I'm just not proud of the motivation. It took a while and I had doubts as to her motivation, but I do feel as though she really loves me now.

Your wife seems to be already trying to repair and rebuild so she may not need the shock treatment.

I know I've rambled and I'm sorry. Whatever happens I wish you and yours all the best!


Posts: 119 | Registered: May 2012
FindingJackie
♀ Member
Member # 2789
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can understand why you need to know and it's better (imo) to find out in a controlled way.

My uncle found out when his youngest was having her first child. Because she needed blood. They were encouraging the family to come donatel. The family did and just based on blood type, she could not have been his child. It was an ugly and emotional way to find out. It gutted my uncle and caused a lot of turmoil.


Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: East of the Rock, West of the Hard Place
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bikingguy,
Does your WW understand what you're going through over this, or does she just "know" the kids are yours and that should be that?

Shouldn't she be agonizing, too? You are a great dad, and you'll be their real dad no matter what, but this is still a gut-wrenching situation. Did they really use protection every time? It seems like if she isn't deeply upset that she deceived you to the point of doubt over the paternity of your children, she's still in some kind of denial.

Hasn't it occurred to her that if you aren't the biological father of one of your kids, the kids are going to need to know about her cheating?

This has to be so draining for you, and I hope your W really gets it!


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
nofool4u
♂ Member
Member # 38509
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have ordered the paternity test and was wondering what some of you told your kids when doing the test?

My youngest was too young to know what was going on.

For my oldest, I swabbed his cheeks while he slept.


Me - fBS

Posts: 210 | Registered: Feb 2013
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I will say I have learned more about how WW thinks and not crazy about it. For example she said she never had an oh shit moment when she got pregnant. However when I pushed and asked her what that was based on, no sex with POS while we were trying or protected sex? She had no clue and actually cried since she did not know why she felt sure they were mine. Since her answer was based on nothing logical I felt even more sure I needed to know.

MC asked what I will do if they are not mine. I replied I will always be their father, just R with WW will be that much harder if not out of the question. Kid one and two she went off the pill and she got pregnant really quickly. If one is not mine of course that means she had sex with POS at the same time we were trying. Number 3 was an acident. I never wanted more than 2 and thought she was taking the pill, but learned she occasionally forgot. Nice right!

Should know the results in about a week if I did them correct. Thanks again for all your suggestions.


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, May 29th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((bikingguy))) (((bikingguykidlets)))


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9409 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Biking, just checking in with you. Did you ever get the results? I hope everything went as you hoped it would!


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Bikingguy
♂ Member
Member # 38103
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did get the results and if I understand them correctly I am the father to all three. It stated that I could not be excluded as the father and the percentage was extremely high.

WW said that should make me happy. Happy is definitely not the word I used, maybe relieved. But honestly I was sort of expecting to not be the father to one of them - or maybe I was just preparing myself in the event that I wasn't?


Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 670 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal
Tesa
♀ Member
Member # 10002
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today is a good day, then. Even though you said you would never deny one of your kids if you weren't the bio-dad, now you no longer have to have this worry. You can put this one away for good.

Posts: 1060 | Registered: Mar 2006
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did get the results and if I understand them correctly I am the father to all three. It stated that I could not be excluded as the father and the percentage was extremely high.

This is good news, Bikingguy. When I got my results back, it said 0% chance - 100% excluded.

High percentage means the father is either you, or pretty much an exact clone of yourself.

Glad to hear you won't have to suffer from this additional level of hell.


"I would rather take a punch than not give you a shot. I'd rather find out who you are than who you're not."

Posts: 6265 | Registered: Dec 2010
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It being summer may be a "good time" to get something like this testing done. If they have to go for a physical anyway, like DD goes once every year, why not see if it could get added in there?

Then, it would just be part of another errand, another appointment, and not really a lie at all, if the physical was sort of paid more attention to than the steps in it. And these change as DD grows, so a kid may not think too much or question another step added in, rather than going for one single appointment for one single thing. That would stand out BIG for kids that age!

This came up for us and I politely stomped my feet and got it removed, but it is very clear-cut who "our" children belong to. I put the "our" in quotes because he flew 'de coup and I tend to consider the kids "mine" more now.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's excellent news Biking! I am so glad that that is one less thing you have to worry about! Not thrilling how WW reacted to it, but whatever.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am pleased for your children they got the result of you being their Dad. At least they will have one stable parent in their lives.

Did you get any clarity on the possible genetic issue for one of the children you mentioned in an earlier post?


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1285 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
sailorgirl
♀ Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bikingguy, I am really glad for your kids. Of course, you are their dad no matter what, but this way they don't have to face having a bio dad, too.

Maybe you were thinking that if one of the kids were genetically OM's, then the enormity of this would finally sink in for WW.

The word "happy" is just so far off to describe anyone's feelings in this situation. Does she understand that she stole your potential for true happiness for 15 years?


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Betrayeddaddio
♂ Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bikini....gguy...I'm glad you have one less thing to torment yourself about, they have always been your kids, but now you know that "you" made them.


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 702 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
I think I can
♀ Member
Member # 17756
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's fantastic news, bikkingguy.


I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8793 | Registered: Jan 2008
numb&dumb
♂ Member
Member # 28542
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is good news biking guy. One less thing to keep you up at night. One less doubt.

I had paternity test for my kids as well, even though the ONS's timing was not right. ( I did not believe it was a one time thing) My kids were young enough at the time and we did it at a doctors office.

The thing is even though my W told me up and down and swore on anything, I didn't believe her. When someone lies to you about such deep betrayal, you should not take them at their word. This was also a means for me to confirm that my W was telling me the truth. It was a way for me to see that she was possible of telling me the truth, if that makes sense. Kind of like a polygraph test. It isn't 100%, but can help you get to the belief that you have the truth.

As a guy, were are in a distinct disadvantage in this area. We can never know 100%. We don't give birth to the child. These test are as close as we can get to that.

The doctor explained to the results to me (I was alone on purpose). I got the same result and he said more less exactly what Losfer said. The chances are very small that I am not their bio-dad. It was good enough to put the issue to rest for me.

While I understand most of the comments around bio-dad versus the dad who raised you (speaking with personal history here). Unless you are in this position it is hard to understand. You just need to know so you know what to deal with. It is part of the picture of the A so you can decide to continue in the M or not. It is a highly individual decision. It also a very gut wrenching and emotional one.

For you, that part is over. Take care.


Me-35 her-35

DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.

Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.


Posts: 2544 | Registered: May 2010
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Biking Guy (not to be confused with Bikini Guy)

I have ALWAYS read that one wrong.

I've noticed if you sign out and sign back in, you can change the case of the letters however you want. I noticed on one computer I was "butterflygirl" on my posts and the other I was "ButterflyGirl." I think if you log out and sign back in as "BikingGuy" it would lessen the confusion

And congrats on the test results!!

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 1:37 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 7

Posts: 2005 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
Topic Posts: 38
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