Monday I told him we have an appt for Friday. He came home late from work and the first thing he said to me was that he thought the counseling was something for me. I said its called marriage counseling. He was like ok.
Then, last night he comes home late again and the first thing he says to me is he doesn't think he can make it because he has a client meeting first thing.
Appt is for 8:45 for 45 minutes and its not even a ten minute walk to his office.
Together 17 years
Two great kids.
He doesn't get it. Moving us to his hometown with his toxic mother is going to
Can he reschedule to a better day/time? If not, you might want to consider that he is avoiding it for a reason.
He thinks his crap is behind us, and we should move on. He has so why I haven't I? is his attitude.
I think he's avoiding something. What? I'm not sure, but I think it is the acknowledgement out loud that his actions make him that same piece of shit husband/father that he thinks he is so much better than. By avoiding counseling he can avoid confronting his choices.
I am going to ask him tonight why he's avoiding it, and an 8:45 am appointment should accomodate him just fine. He if he can't make it then I am going to make him schedule the next appointment so it works on his schedule. So sick of this.
Always, tell the other BS! Always!
"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!
Let your H know that if he feels really uncomfortable he can speak up; he is not a hostage. But that this is something that is nonnegotiable for you.
I intended to nicely speak to him tonight and ask why he's avoiding. I don't think I will really get an answer, but it's clear this "appointment" is weighing on him since it's the first thing he mentions when he sees me.
So, right now I'm in a pissy mood, I don't trust him, and I kind of feel like saying screw trying to talk to him tonight, and if he can't be bothered coming Friday then I will tell him not to come home. I'm sure I'd puss out though. I clearly have trouble standing my ground with him.
UPDATE: H texted earlier that he can't make Friday MC appointment because of the client meeting. He asked if we could do a different time or early next week.
I texted back time/date and nothing else. I didn't hear back for several hours, and the text I received was to tell me will be having another late night. He hasn't been home before 9 the past two nights.
He also HATES his job and is desperately trying to get out of it. I think he needs the therapy not me.
[This message edited by Sleepy312 at 4:43 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]
WH wouldn't go to counseling either at first and I let it go. Big mistake.
After we had gone to MC for quite a while, WH said he wouldn't go before because he was still lying.
After last big Dday, I told him MC or he could move his ass out.
He's either unremorseful or scared or both. I'd bet a lot that fear is part of it.
Your H is dodging the work he needs to do to R, and maybe you are, too - unless you like to live with noisome stuff under the rug.
Shoot the elephant. Go 180.
Gotta love the life that we livin'
I'm not being snarky, I'm just saying he can figure it out if it is important to him.
"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."
He found the time to cheat but he can't make the time for MC? Ask him how he worked the OW into his schedule.
I get having to work late and having a demanding job, but that's what laptops are for. I don't know any office job that can't be done remotely these days. Did he at least call or text to check in? Someone truly committed to R would be doing that.
XH was very stubborn about MC at first. He went, but was ALWAYS late, and just seemed determined to sabotage the entire process. And guess what? He was still lying. Is it possible your H is still having an affair? Does he work with AP? I just find his convenient workload and resistance to MC to be red flags.
It's frustrating as hell, but until he's fully on board, you can only take care of yourself. Make a mental deadline of when you'll confront him with an ultimatum--two choices, in or out. If he's in, then it's MC by a certain date, no excuses. If he's out, tell him to take a bag with him next time he has a client meeting, because he won't be coming back to your place.