I know deep down I was addicted to the high of how I felt, rather than the AP himself, but I really wanted the high back.
BH and I were talking this morning, that when I was shooting up "the A drug," the high outranked my husband and family. Totally true, and shamefully hurtful--during the A, and even after DD.
And I'm definitely in withdrawal. It has helped us to talk about the A in the context of an addiction.