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Joanh (original poster member #39146) posted at 7:32 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
My BH and I were reading some of the FAQ's and we came across the 180 question and answer. My BH got quite perturbed over it. He was like"we are doing this all wrong based on this" We talk about the good things , we are trying to be loving and understanding and work on our marrital issues. What is the concept of this'180' cause neither see the benefit. Stuff like this to him is why would read or look into reading other peoples opionions when they put this stuff in. He believes in statistics. And by going what he feels is right for us and logical, some based on emotion some based on common sense. Any help clarifying who and why you would use this theory would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
BH 39
WW 43
D day November 9, 2012
3 children 22, 8, 6
Just....
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 8:03 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
The 180 is more for the BS when they are dealing with a WS that is still deep in the A and fog, it is more to help the BS find the strength within, and ending the results that the Crazymaking behavior of the WS can have on them.
If you are working toward R. And really have a WS that is a FWS, and is remorseful, and doing the hard work of R, then the 180 is not for you.
I hope I was able to clarify it a bit for you.
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
MovingUpward ( member #14866) posted at 8:57 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
I agree with tushnurse. If you and your BH are able to communicate about improving the marriage effectively then you are not in need of the 180.
Crosby ( new member #38082) posted at 10:10 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
I read and just about memorized the 180. There are several things from the 180 I feel should be done anyways R or not. I used some points to help control my emotions and regain composure in difficult times and I'm still in R.
authenticnow ( member #16024) posted at 10:20 PM on Wednesday, May 8th, 2013
My BH never did the 180. He said it went against everything he was trying to accomplish. That's okay, not everyone has to.
I actually did some of the 180 tools with my DS and it helped tremendously. I think it makes a lot of sense in many areas of life, but there is no one recipe for everyone out there.
DS, you are forever in my heart. Thank you for sharing your beautiful spirit with me. I will always try to live by the example you have set. I love you and miss you every day and am sorry you had to go so soon, it just doesn't seem fair.
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