I think giving her some distance might be good right now. I would follow up with the IC as to how long should you wait for her to come around. If the MC/IC can't give a typical time frame then you might need to think things through as to what you want and are willing to do to R. Your wife has lots of work to do and at the moment it looks like she is avoiding it.
Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless
There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum
Now to answer your question.
No this is not normal behavior. I question the validity of your MC.
If she is flat out refusing to engage you or speak to you that is a real problem.
Please go to the healing library up there on the left side of your screen. Tons of helpful stuff there.
(here's the part that may seem harsh) She is playing you like a fiddle. She has the MC manipulated too. I'm sorry but going out with friends, and staying out all night are not behaviors of one who is depressed. I would reccomend that you take some time to get your ducks in a row, find out what she is really up to when she is "out with friends" and find out what your legal rights are. She is obviously avoiding dealing with this, and that will not fix it. You will also need to decide if R is what you want and if you do what your conditions of it are, and clearly lay those out to her.
I would also recommend getting a new MC right away. Any MC that says it's ok let her not deal with it while you suffer is not worth a dime.
You have to risk your M to rebuild it. You saw that when your threat to D finally got some honesty out of your W. If you haven't given up, ID your requirements for R, lay them out for your W, and tell her to choose between meeting your reqs and D.
If your reqs come from your heart and head, the ultimatum is not a power play. It is simply a statement that you need certain things and that if your W doesn't want to provide them, you should split, because there's no longer a good fit between you.
Basically, I'm recommending you consider some form of the 180. You can read about the 180 in the Healing Library and some threads in JFP and, IIRC, ICR.
[This message edited by sisoon at 6:01 PM, May 8th (Wednesday)]
Depression can manifest as drastic changes in behavior- it's not out of the question that your MC is right about that. And if she is taking meds, that can have an effect on her behavior as well. But mental illness or no, she is still responsible for the things she says and does, past and present.
Decide what you will and won't tolerate in your house or your marriage, and communicate to her that you're afraid she's headed toward crossing those boundaries again. Make it about you, and what you will and will not tolerate. If your MC is not okay with you setting healthy boundaries with her and communicating them calmly, get a new MC.
Best of luck. This sucks.
A year of false R. I grew and worked, he didn't. He took off his wedding ring during an alcoholic relapse, I packed and left the next day. I went back 8 weeks later, working hard