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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Life is cyclical
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:18 AM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its funny how life works. Just as Im finishing up my country house I was wondering what I would be doing to keep myself busy. Well as luck would have it I got a FB message from a GF of my past. Been close to 30 years since Ive seen her. Ive often spoken of her here as the one who I stupidly let slip away. She and I had this special connection that Ive always remembered. Ive regreted that my youthfull ignorance and actions allowed her and I to part ways. Well that FB message led to chatting and to talking on the phone. Turns out we are both available and have been road the infidelity road. We spoke about our lives and past. And it was like no time has passed. She lives about 2 hours north of my country home and currenty is enrolled as a full time student at 50. Naturally I asked her out and she accepted and we will be seeing eachother early next week. Ive seen her FB pics and she is still a looker after all these years. Talking to her stirred up some emotions I have not felt in years. Yet Im actually nervous about seeing her again. We talked well into the a.m. the other night and before you know it we had talked for almost 5 hours. What makes me nervous is that I remember our relationship when we were very young people. Life has taken its toll on the both of us emotionally and Im affraid that Im living in the past. I dont want to mess this up once again. I guess my question is this. Can you revisit an old love and find it again ? Its a bit easier that we have allready slept together. But Im not the same carefree young man. I know Im different and I hope she still cam be attracted to me. Do you guys think you can go back all those years and find a relationship again or am I just wasting my time ?


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Nov 2007
velveteer
♂ Member
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stronger - why not? It will be different - you are both different people now, but you have this shared connection in the past. treat like something new - getting to know someone again and enjoy it.

Just don't try to make it like the past - make it something new.

good luck


Divorced

Posts: 861 | Registered: Jan 2011
I.will.survive
♀ Member
Member # 34677
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first thought is that you may easily fall into bed together because you've already been there done that kind of thing and you both have the same deep scars plus current needs.

Doing that could sabotage beginning a new solid relationship. Does that make sense?

Take it slowly, but most definitely see where this can go! Enjoy yourselves and the possible rekindling of true love.


Posts: 530 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: east coast
cmego
♀ Member
Member # 30346
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The only thing I have really learned in dating this "go round" is to be yourself. If it is supposed to work, it simply will. It is totally worth a shot, I think that there are always people who affect us and we remember them all of our lives. Just don't be afraid of screwing it up, if you live in the fear of screwing it up then you miss the opportunity to see if it would work.

Have fun


me...BS, 43 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Divorced

"For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it's always ourselves we find in the sea" ee cummings


Posts: 4033 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Virginia
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

An update. She surprised me with a visit this weekend. It was nice and felt comfortable. We did share a bed and a little making out aside nothing else happened. We talked about things and will take it slow an easy. Im still driving up to see her this week. We are not the same people we were years ago but the attraction is still there. We spoke about our past relationship and how we both were really into eachother. Trouble was we never articlulated that to the other. Im cautiously optimistic. One thing I really liked was someone to be in bed with. Felt strange and comfortable all at the same time.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Nov 2007
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 12th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's great stronger. Just stay in the moment for now and enjoy.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4375 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I decided to take all of your advice and move slowly here. Went to see her and it was nice. She has a lot on her plate at this time and after thinking about things we are going to keep it very casual for now. Gonna see where it goes and if it goes nowhere at least I reconnected with an old friend. There is a lot of sexual tension between us and to be honest Im having a hard time not jumping all over her. But I have not. The distance between us helps with that as she is almost 3 hours away. We speak on the phone a few times a week for hours at a time. But as she has so much going on I want to wait until she clears her plate. I still have a few more things to do around my house and am keeping busy. So if this works it would be nice. If it does not at least Im not emotionally invested thus protecting myself from being hurt. It kind of reminds me of when I was younger and dating.
Its an odd feeling and ackward too. But time will tell if this is a connection or not. Till then Im still moving ahead with my plan in life. Thanks all for the advice.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5567 | Registered: Nov 2007
Hope24
♀ Member
Member # 9344
Default  Posted: 4:40 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your approach sounds healthy, Stronger.

A long lost love was the most powerful relationship I have had since my divorce. Unfortunately, the distance was too much and we didn't make it. But it was a lovely experience.

Good luck.


She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

Posts: 7605 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Poolside
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:25 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, this is so amazing stronger.

I've been thinking a lot about a certain love from my past as well, made my FB public in case he's trying to find me.

Absolutely no trace of him on the interwebs, though, so he could be either dead or a luddite mountain man hermit... he had that kind of potential which is what I adored about him. He was totally out of the box.

Thing is, yeah, we were awfully young and I took him for granted, it fizzled and we didn't make it for the long haul.

If he showed up on my doorstep one day I would totally give it another go.

Life's too short not to. You are doing it right. I hope it turns into something beautiful for you.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17157 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for sharing Stronger. I am nowhere near being ready to date but it's good to read this.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1834 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24436 | Registered: Aug 2011
Bebba1171
♂ Member
Member # 33857
Cool  Posted: 2:15 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That sounds really great -especially for an early riser like you!

When I first met my girlfriend, I spilled my guts on the first date. She has been through THREE bad marriages. She spilled her guts as well. We knew some basics in our texts beforehand, but got everything out on the table right away.

My guess is that this violates all of the rules of dating!

Going through what we have been through made us very open and transparent. It was very refreshing. Going to a winery likely helped us open up!

We knew after one date that we were very attracted to each other and it felt wonderful to kiss her good bye that afternoon.

That was eight months ago next week. We still joke around that we will take things day by day.

No plans to get engaged or get married - just have fun.

The song we always refer to is "Nobody told me there would be days like these - strange days indeed" by John Lennon.

She knows all about my "SI Harem" on this forum and wants to meet Tesla (they have spoken), PHMH, Williesmom and Macakipa.

She was impressed with what I told her about GaHurts and our dinner last week.

Its all good - take your time and enjoy.

It did take me a while to get off the bus after meeting her. Made it that much better!


Divorced by Interlocutory decree in May 2012. WW had an affair with a 66 yo doctor she worked for.
D-Day Sept 16. 2011.
BH- 52 (Me) / XWW 50 - ages back in 2011
Two great kids that don't deserve this!

Posts: 726 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: USA
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But as she has so much going on I want to wait until she clears her plate.

This comment, that you made more than once, made me nervous for you! I think you're absolutely doing the right thing in taking it slow. Make sure she is in as healthy a place as you are after the infidelity. Otherwise, a really sweet thing to read about. I hope it keeps being so positive.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% - and that's pretty good."

Posts: 4924 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 13

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