No longer together
Do not let others be your reference for who you see in the mirror.
Stop allowing people to hurt you, because you don't love you enough to walk away.
where do you find the strength to hold your spouse and yourself and your family up
You just do. Day by day by day.
Just remember NOT to crawl back in that hole - keep your head up while working on yourself. Don't let that negative voice in your head take you back. You can be strong, it isn't easy, but you can! Think of your kids - laugh with them, play silly games, start working out, find a new hobby. YOU need to do something for YOU. I know its tough, but you will get through this. Promise
Guns don't kill people; Affairs kill people
When is to much honesty too much.
Never - you can't afford to shut down again.
Have you talked to him about joining SI? I think it would help him tremendously - knowing he is not alone, especially as a BH. It would be a great place for him to vent out his frustrations. You can't heal him. You can be there beside him, helping him, but he needs some type of outside support, whether here on SI, a friend, or IC. I know you said he doesn't want to go to MC, but honestly you guys need it. Actually, IC would probably help him more at this point.