Blake, I'm sorry to read this, it must be very painful to not see your WW progress as you would expect 8 months into this.
Your triggering episode was a completely normal reaction to what would be an extremely painful and stressful experience for anyone. I triggered badly a few weeks back upon seeing a former lady friend of my wife's who was an affair confidante. Can't imagine what it's like seeing the OM, but if you didn't try to kill him and burn the place down, I'd say you did as well as anyone could expect.
It's not clear from your post why this would cause her to rage as she did. But regardless, that's disturbing.
You are a man of faith, and I assume that you pray daily, probably multiple times, for your marriage to heal and for your wife to see the light and work on her personal issues.
If so, and assuming you are doing your part to work towards R, then it sounds like you are doing all that you can do.
Wishing you peace and healing.