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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm struggling...
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel pathetic even posting this. I'm a positive person, I've handled so much so well over the last two years, and yet I feel like I've hit a wall.

My IC says I function very well on the surface, and those words have really sunk into me lately. Because lately it feels just like that - "on the surface" I seem okay, but lately that seems to be getting harder and harder to maintain. And I haven't seen my IC in weeks. It's as if now that we were finally getting to my real issues I'm avoiding it. WTF?

I'm having a difficult time prioritizing, taking care of myself in a positive way, I've gained 15 pounds in the past six months, I exercise some, but not near like I used to or near enough. I stay up too late, I'm not getting nearly enough sleep, and I can't seem to make myself go to bed when I should. My house is not awful, and some days I do well, but it's not even close to the level I consider normal. (And that is not perfection, but things are generally in their place).

I started an amazing new job eight months ago, but I wonder how I'm affecting my performance. They may not notice at this point, because I'm still doing well overall, but how well could I be doing if I was my best self?

Why can't I pull it together? I know that if I get enough sleep that will help, because that has always affected me strongly.

I had a dream about XWH last night, first time in forever. He came back, and that's all I know, just that he was back. I don't know if I took him back, I recall questioning if I should, I recall my daughter being much younger and referring to him as dad (which she never did), and just that he was there. It was very weird.

This is something I couldn't tell almost anyone, this is the only place I feel safe enough to say it.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4376 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I'm watching 20/20 about the girls in Ohio, and it really lends some important persective to my post. I considered editing it and just deleting it, because honestly, there are so many worse things going on in the world.

What those ladies have lived through is horrible and disgusting and I'm SO relieved they are finally free. THAT is WAY more important than anything I could possibly post about myself.

Please say a prayer and send positive thoughts to the four victims from Ohio.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4376 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere)))

praying for you and the ladies in OH


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51519 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere)))

The "worse" in the world does not diminish the inner struggle. I call this the "funk" and while sometimes there is an obvious trigger, sometimes it just comes along...

Having high standards for yourself and being self aware is what leads to feeling this way?

I am sorry you are less than positive.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5612 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Survivor3512
♀ Member
Member # 37946
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, May 10th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Persevere))) I'm sorry you're in a slump. But, you can pull yourself out of it. Like you said, you are a positive person. And you know what you should be doing. So start doing it! Take it one day at a time and slowly but surely you'll feel yourself 'lifting.' We've all been there (myself included ), the key is to know that it will pass and you have control over your attitudes and behaviors. I hope you are feeling better and more like yourself very soon!

And don't even feel bad for posting how you feel here! That's what we are for!

[This message edited by Survivor3512 at 11:30 PM, May 10th (Friday)]


Me (BS)- 36
Divorced
----------------------------------------------------------
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming- Dorie

Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Southeastern U.S.
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey, you just went through a break-up. Cut yourself some slack. My advice would be to concentrate on work; you need to earn a living. Bring depth to that part of your life and I think the rest will follow.

You can do this; I have faith


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 19808 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
cayc
♀ Member
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your post really resonates with me (well except for the normally I'm a really positive person - I don't think anyone would describe me that way lol).

But the LR funk that = all surface, weight gain, feeling sorry for myself, having to look at outside events to compare to me to rationalize that it's not that bad and I should realize I'm lucky.

But then I look back over the last 2 years. A divorce for a horrific reason. Being publicly humiliated by my husband. A new job. Learning a new language. Moving to a new country. That's a lot of upheaval.

I agree with SadinAZ, you need to cut yourself some slack. Sometimes we just get tired. And we need to retreat into ourselves and be kind to us.


"The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved, the pig is committed." -Martina Navratilova
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with Sad on this one - you just went through a break up. That can dredge up all kinds of stuff from the marriage and D.

Be kind to yourself and process whatever comes floating to the surface. And stop with the guilty feelings about there being worse stuff in the world. Your struggle is valid. Your sadness is valid. They deserve your attention and our support, and we are absolutely capable of giving that to you WHILE we pray for the women and child in Ohio. Ok?

((((persevere))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24437 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Persevere,

My marriage ended 10 years ago. My relationship with XSO ended a year ago (next week). The ending of the relationship hit me very hard, in some ways harder than the ending of the marriage.

When the marriage ended I was scared for my kids and everything external. Would I be able to raise them by myself? Would they grow up ____? Would they go to college? etc.. it all centered around my kids.

My post breakup thoughts centered around me.. all the questions I probably should have asked about me when my marriage ended came to the surface. My kids are young adults - on their way to their own lives. MY baby graduates HS this month and is off to college in the fall. I am left with me, myself and I... and the prospect is scaring me. I am realizing I have a lot of work to do on me. Being in a relationship with XSO kept me from doing that.

Now it's my turn, I think it's also your turn.

It isn't easy, but we are so worth the effort.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Helen of Troy
♀ Member
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please don't apologize or add disclaimers for your feelings. They're just feelings, that's all & you are 100% justified and entitled to have them.
I wonder if the recent breakup is affecting you more than you want to admit to yourself? No need to answer here just for your benefit only.
Break ups hurt.

Posts: 4677 | Registered: Dec 2009
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saturday morning ((((hugs))))

Thinking about you. I think your post really struck a chord. Sometimes I feel like a fraud because everyone assumes I am "FINE" and I feel so chaotic and screwy on the inside.


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5612 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
stupidstupidme
♀ Member
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can completely relate. I am in the exact same place.

I would say try one little thing at a time. Start with maybe exercise. I am actually doing that... headed back to the gym today after several weeks of slacking.

Start with one thing, and feel good about it. Let it build momentum and snowball... that's what I'm hoping for.


Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19711 | Registered: Aug 2006
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:57 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all. I'm doing better this morning. It's a beautiful morning so I'm going to go for a run and work on a few things around the house.

Yes, I think the breakup has affected me more than expected.
Kajem, XBF and I started seeing each other right around the same time that I experienced three major life changes last year (late summer) - I empty nested, sold/bought a home, changed careers, so I think there is some work on me that I have also avoided during the past eight months, and apparently it is time.

And, for a bit, I will cut myself a little slack. I don't see it, but others tell me I'm hard on myself sometimes.

Thanks again.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4376 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
InTheRabbitHole
♀ Member
Member # 19319
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Persevere, I think I'm also in the same boat as you.

Everything you are describing is how I'm feeling. Therefore I have no advice, just company.

If you need an ear, please let me know.


Posts: 198 | Registered: Apr 2008
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, May 11th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ssm and ITRH, I'm taking the give myself a break advice for today, and I feel like I need it. Maybe you should both do the same, and then start thinking about what comes next. ((Hugs))

I'm still in my pajamas, just watching CNN, laid down to finally start reading The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, and I was 70 pages in before I fell asleep for an hour. So today I am taking it easy apparently, and I'm good with that.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4376 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
bitchboots
♀ Member
Member # 38051
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 13th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((persevere)))

I know this will pass for you, but in the mean time I wish I had other words to say that would make it so much easier for you. I am sending good energy your way.

Big, huge hugs.


Me: BS
DDay 4/27/2012---3 weeks after our 10 year anniversary.
Second DDay--1/2/2013--R is over

~~~~Finding my moxie~~~~
"May your past be the sound of your feet upon the ground"...FUN


Posts: 333 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Dallas
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 2:05 AM, May 15th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling so many of the same ways you are. I know everyone says time and one day at a time, but I've one dayed myself to the point that I don't see a future of anything but just making it thru the day. I too don't sleep enough and I'm affected by the deprivation.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 2:06 AM, May 15th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
Topic Posts: 17

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